The things that guys have done to try and impress women is completely astounding. The main reason it’s so astounding is because most of the time we have no idea how to do it. “Should I cut the sleeves off my shirt?” Why? Why would you need to do that? Instead of hearing from a guy on the topic, a group of women revealed the worst thing guys do to try and impress them. Take notes, fellas, you may have been doing it wrong.
1. Creepy Guys
Walking up to a girl who is just relaxing and telling her to smile is the worst. GTFO OF HERE. It’s not cute or endearing. I don’t really want to be with a man who is already correcting me and we aren’t even acquaintances. Sod right off.
2. The Gym
Guys at the gym that start grunting and thrusting dramatically while working out when a female is present.
3. The Camera Roll
One time, a guy was showing me some picture he took on his phone. As he’s scrolling, tons of nudes from other girls pop up in his camera roll. Like WTF, dude, this is our first date, I don’t want to see sketchy pictures like that. At least save them to another album.
4. Bad Lines
Trying to be classy when it’s sexy time. It’s just creepy. True story, my now-husband and I were getting busy in the shower. He was giving me some fingering action and after checking out the goods, he blurted out, “Mmmm you’re really starting to blossom.” The muffin shop immediately closed its doors until further notice over that little chestnut.
5. A Tip of the Hat
One time a guy kept saying “m’lady.” Uh, no.
6. So Blessed
When they say, “I could be with any girl right now, but I chose you.” GOD BLESS YOU. OMG SO BLESSED.
7. Look At This Photograph
I once had a guy try to impress me by telling me he had seen Nickleback in concert 5 times. It didn’t work.
8. Revving It Up
I once went on a second date with a guy who came to pick me up. I live in apartments and try to be super considerate of my neighbors all the time. As soon as I get in his car he starts revving his engine super loud. A.) I’m not impressed by that, whatsoever, and B.) I’m sure none of my neighbors appreciated the noise. That was our last date.
9. Dirty Talk
Not me, but an old friend of mine. He’s a really quiet, soft-spoken, polite guy. A total gentleman and a graduate student in the liberal arts. Also, pretty inexperienced, tentative and vanilla sexually.
He’s dating this really cool girl for maybe two months. She is much kinkier in bed. She floats the idea of dirty talk and apparently likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit, from time to time. He’s hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn’t dismiss the idea outright. Changes the subject and figures that they’ll revisit the idea another time.
Anyway, they have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. They’re really going at it, doggie-style, and she tells him to talk dirty to her. He says that he can’t think of anything to say, so he says nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not fucking requesting, but demanding it. He comes up with: “Yeah, you like that, you fucking retard?”
10. The Little Lies
The biggest one for me is lying about the things he’s into just because I said I said I’m into those things. If you’ve never seen “Blade Runner,” for example, don’t say you have just because it’s my favorite film. I can always tell when they’re lying about this and I don’t think its sweet.
11. The Ultimate Sin
Pick up a guitar during a party and play “Wonderwall.”
12. Humble Brag
Immediately bragging or showing off within 5 minutes of conversation. That includes how much you make, your job, etc. One guy at a bar last week grabbed my arm to shout in my ear, “I HAD CANCER WHEN I WAS A KID.” Yeah, don’t do that.
13. Casual Racism
Went out with a dude I got set up with. He seemed OK, albeit not my type. But I’m like, whatever. We’ll eat and have an alright time. Nope. We get to the restaurant and as soon as our (Latina) waitress leaves, he starts spewing all of this garbage about “Mexicans,” saying they’re lazy and that he wanted a new server. Awful. I just looked at him, went “Lamento que te sientas asi,” and broke out of there.
14. The Other Number
When they tell me how many girls they have slept with. Most of the time they are lying, and if they aren’t then … eww.
15. *Deleted*
Dick pics. You’re gross.
