I love old people. They do and say whatever they want and no one gives it a second thought (other than Donald Sterling, of course). How many times did an old relative say something horrible to you, only to be told by your parents, “Oh she’s just old”? They’re also synonymous with giving some really bizarre gifts. Check out some of the highlights from a Reddit thread discussing the weirdest things an old person has ever given them.
1. One Valentine’s Day, my grandmother sent me an uplifting Valentine’s day card and enclosed were before and after photos of my grandfather’s recently removed skin cancer. – microminimalist
2. My mormon step-grandmother bought me a vibrator… She thought it was meant for massages. Very awkward Christmas to a 14-year-old girl being asked to walk around the room and rub people’s backs with it. – Breheart
3. I work at an independent movie theater and one day a woman came in when I happened to be selling the tickets. I rang her up and gave her the change, and she said she had something for my service. I assumed that she would hand me back the few dollars of change I had given her. Instead, she dug into her purse and gave me an old, half full chapstick. She told me to have a nice day. I got trolled by an old woman. – 0alien
4. A blowjob. I’m not ashamed, either. She was a widow, 74, but could have passed for 60 in soft lighting (and did). I was a horny 19-year-old. There wasn’t any abuse or coercion involved on either side. I was working for a tree-trimming company for the summer, and we had a contract to do an assisted living home’s trees. A nice old gal was having lunch on the patio of her little age 55+ apartment when I came by to prune her maple. She offered me a sandwich and a cold glass of water, I accepted, we got to talking, she invited me in, gave me head in her handicapped-accessible bathroom (it had a seat in the shower and grab bars by the toilet – I made some use of the latter) and then sent me on my way. Nice old gal. – SoftYakEarmark
5. Milk. By UPS. From Texas to California. In the middle of summer. Think about it. – sifu_scott
6. Once my grandma brought dish towels for my new apartment in college. I was sharing it with my girlfriend that she hadn’t met yet. She expressed a bit of embarrassment later, when she thought I wasn’t there, since the towels were watermelon themed. Black girlfriend. – thelordofcheese
7. My very old-fashioned Christian grandma gave me a giant box of magnum condoms before I left for college. Fortunately it wasn’t already opened. – Erobre
8. My grandma mailed me her hearing aid batteries inside of a Christmas card. It had my name on it an everything. When I called to explain to her what had happened, she couldn’t hear me. – tmekk
9. One year for my birthday my Grandma gave me a check for like 21 cents. Later that day she gave me another check for like 36 cents. It was a great Birthday. – Adaptingfate
10. The second week of college, my grandma sent me an envelope with two pairs of hot pink and purple fishnet underwear (totally see through) and $4 in singles. I’m still not sure what she was trying to say. The next month, she sent me a box of Corn Flakes, and inside that box was a box of Mini Wheats. – cylonsympathizer
11. I got a car tire from my grandfather once just in case I needed it. I didn’t even have a license at the time.
12. My grandfather sent me a case of .22 shells and a gallon on windshield wiper fluid. My freshman year of college, living in the dorms, with no car, and definitely no gun. – KTrout17
13. My grandma gave me a rape whistle for Christmas. – TerrorTabby
14. I had just celebrated my 12th birthday and pulled into the driveway after dinner with my parents and went up to the front door to see three pair of thongs/sexy underwear hanging on the doorknob outside and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, along with a card signed “Nana”.
15. I had a conversation with my grandma on the phone when I was a kid, which led to one of the strangest questions she had ever asked me, “smbeas, do… do you like leaves?” The question hit me like a truck, I’d never thought about it before. I began to wonder if I liked leaves or if I hated them. This process took all about 3 seconds before I replied, “Yeah, grandma, I do like leaves.” The next card I got in the mail from her had a stack of leaves in it. – smbeas
