Warning: This piece on foods that both hydrate the body and kill calories includes information about healthy eating and should be read without a bag of greasy potato chips in your lap. Your keyboard will thank you, and so will your body.
Pomegranate
Those little seeds might seem evil because, seriously, what tastes that good and is good for your body? They’re actually one of the most prolific and natural antioxidants (polyphenols) on the planet, and not only that, they increase blood flow, protect the skin from harmful sun rays and aid in the process of breaking down materials (i.e. burn calories) in the body. If that’s not enough, they’re one of the greatest aphrodisiacs of the antioxidant community, so think about that the next time you and your limp dick are hung the hell over.
Coconut
Crack open a coconut and tell us it’s not the most replenishing thing you’ve done to your body since the time you went a week without touching yourself. Coconuts, packed with the best type of hangover-curing hydration, are also packed with delicious meat and triglycerides that help raise levels of metabolism. Not only that, you can use coconut products – coconut oil, flour, milk – in your cooking to help replace some of the fatty food products. It’s exotic, healthy and chicks dig a guy who can split them down the middle. We’re talking about coconuts here still, gentlemen.
Cucumber
This perfect garden veggie adds greatness to all sorts of things: salads, smoothies, even water. Cucumber has nearly about a 96 percent water content, making it one of the most hydrating foods you can put in your body, and by eating all the other things that go great with cucumber – sushi, especially – you’re eating a little more green and a little grime, good for the skin and good for that stale breath of yours.
Avocado
You wouldn’t guess something as creamy and exotic as an avocado could hydrate your body, but you’d lose if you bet against them. Avocados are one of the most nourishing foods for the body, helping to not only hydrate but to give the body fiber and healthy fats, both of which help to keep bad fats down or push them out your anus. If that’s not soothing enough, you can slap it on your face and exfoliate like the skin-caring man you were made.
Celery
More than just the fancy people’s garnish, celery is the quiet green that adds a fresh smell and taste to anything, from soups and stews to potato salads and – you guessed it – Bloody Marys. High in fiber and low in calories – almost negative in fact – celery is loaded with vitamins and neutralizes stomach acid due in part to its high water content, something a fat cheeseburger can’t so easily do.
Blueberries
Want something other than green in your mouth to make you feel good and hydrated? Try some blueberries, or as I like to call them, the lord’s anti-aging berries, heavenly goodness with burst of fruit filling that’s actually good for you. Apparently blueberries have a ridiculous number of health benefits, so you’d be a damn fool to not enjoy at least a few of those medicinal qualities, whether it’s the antioxidant properties or prevention of heart disease or memory loss. They’re like the natural Gusher, only healthy, hydrating and perfect for pies, shakes and straight from the carton to your gullet. Blueberries are one of the most hydrating fruits you can easily access, cheap and good for an upcoming hangover.
Grapefruit
Most people think of grapefruit as the old man breakfast or the master cleanse, but what people don’t think about as much is the citric fruit’s ability to lower cholesterol and neutralize blood sugar levels, which reduces appetite and helps to burn fat. On top of all this and its unique tang, grapefruit has an extremely high water content, so while you’re slimming down and cleaning out the toxins, you’re also rehydrating that sluggish figure. (Side note: If you take any prescription meds, check to make sure grapefruit is okay to eat with them).
Green Pepper
Not to be racist towards peppers, but ahead of its colored friends, the green pepper is the slightly better source of hydration of the pepper community. Though not as sweet and surprising better for you, green peppers are loaded with anti-oxidants and are a great snack between meals, and they go great with most meals. This is not to say colored ones aren’t good for you too, but in the world of produce bigotry, green is usually more reputable when judged on the color of its skin.
Waterm
elon
Probably one of the most obvious foods for hydrating is watermelon, the fruit that drips water – sometimes vodka – like a leaky faucet down your arms while you eat it. Packed with water and lycopene, a cancer-fighting antioxidant, watermelon is the kind of thing you’d enjoy even if it weren’t great for you. But it is. Some people even put slices at the bottom of their water, which gives them even more incentive to hydrate, plus it’s light and soothing on the stomach and helps fill you up without packing on hardly any calories at all.
Broccoli (and Cauliflower)
They may not look too hydration friendly with their cold, hard bushy exterior, but broccoli and cauliflower – they go hand-in-hand in my book – are packed with water, vitamins and phytonutrients, most of which help battle high cholesterol and rehydrate. You can toss them on a skillet with some garlic seasoning, but boiling them in a pot of water softens them up, just as long as you don’t boil the goodness out of them.
Spinach
The kids – actually many adults – think they hate it because someone told them it’s gross, but spinach is actually one of the most refreshing, healthier greens you can get your hydration-loving hands on. There are only seven calories in a cup, but an endless number of benefits in that same amount, like potassium, fiber and folate for brain energy. People who think it tastes bad or just haven’t let their taste buds grow up can enjoy spinach in their smoothies. It’s undetectable in taste, plus it makes them pretty, green and loads healthier, despite whatever negative stigma it may have.
Strawberries
It’s not enough they’re incredibly sweet and delicious; they’ve got to be good for you too? Strawberries, though not quite as hydrating as watermelon, packed about 90 percent water content into those red little beauties, and added sugar is necessary. You can eat them right off the vine to stimulate your metabolism and suppress your appetite, but they’re so good you might eat the entire plant. Good in oatmeal, smoothies and on pretty much any snack you enjoy, strawberries hydrate but also are filling, keeping you away from junk foods while giving you the carbs you can easily burn off.
Green Apples
An apple a day keeps the health bills from piling up like some sort of circus trick. That’s not how the saying goes, is it? But apples are not only known as the common seasonal fruit, they’re also good for lower cholesterol, weight and have the ability to fight off some of the big health risks associated with overeating and high calorie counts. Don’t be us? Just refer to your stack of doctor bills at the end of the year. And green ones have less sugar than red, if that helps you be less prejudice in the produce section. Eat more apples. That should be the saying.
