For all you haters out there who can’t digest health food analogies, here’s something sweet for you to chew on – the strangest things reportedly found in food. Instead of spending hours dissecting statistics and coming up with poignant arguments, we’re just going to share some real-life tales of food industry terror with y
ou. Enjoy, and eat up.
Serrated Subway Sandwich
Before you bite into your next Cold Cut Combo, maybe check for a 7-inch serrated knife that’s been cooked into the bread. Chances are it was an accident as most people in Subway run around like headless chickens (or use the ovens to dry their socks), but if this were a 6-inch sub, I’d say the silver lining is that at least they’re not skimping on bread.
Semen Yogurt
Many have heard about the New Mexico grocer who pleaded guilty to serving yogurt contaminated with his semen in 2011. He faced up to three years in prison and the likelihood of being fed a similar kind of yogurt in the shower on a daily basis. Also, in 2008, a New York woman sued a sushi restaurant for serving a sauce with traces of semen in it. This is why I never get anything with eel sauce.
Razor Blade Flavored Ice Cream
It’s my least favorite flavor. In 2011, a Texas woman claimed to have found a razor blade in her ice cream from Walmart. She said it was likely “one of those random accidents that happen.” That’s probably what everyone who ate semen-filled yogurt said, too.
Used Tampon Steak
Where I’m from, lots of people throw used tampons around in nice restaurants, but I know that’s not normal. In 2009, a German tourist told ABC News that while at New York’s Waldorf-Astoria, he found a used tampon in his steak that was “blood soaked” after chewing and almost swallowing it, just before slamming brandy and vomiting in the restroom. This is all assuming it wasn’t on the menu and that he hadn’t specified that he wanted a tampon in his steak. The restaurant claimed it to be “highly suspicious.” Do you think? That’s the last time I’m rude to a cranky waitress.
Triple Stacke
r With a Layer of Syringes
A Hawaiian man sued Burger King when he found a used syringe in his Triple Stacker, then was hospitalized six days when doctors found another small syringe in his intestine. Rectum? Damn near killed him. In 2001, a 22-year-old woman also found a needle in her Burger King breakfast sandwich and sued for $11 million.
Condoms as Happy Meal Toys
They’re getting more resourceful with their happy meal prizes, but multiple people apparently have had tiffs with McDonald’s employees simply trying to promote sex education. Come on, guys, there is nothing like teaching your kids about safe sex over a delicious meal.
Related: Hilarious McDonald’s Signage Fails
Chicken With Its Head Cut Off
ABC News in Virginia reported a woman who found an entire chicken head deep fried in her McDonald’s chicken wings. Sometimes things just have uncanny appearances, but this time you can actually see the feathers from the bird sticking off of it. It makes you wonder where that chicken is now, running around with his head cut off.
Diet Mouse
In 2009, an Illinois man allegedly found a mouse in his Pepsi can. Now, that can be a hard thing to prove, but Pepsi’s lawyers claim that their soda would dissolve a mouse. Basically, instead of breaking their toenail, Pepsi just shot off their entire foot with that statement. But rest assured, soda cannot inhabit the life of any rodent, but it can clean the blood off of pavement.
Organic Black Widow Grapes
In 2012, a Connecticut woman named Nora Weiss claimed to have found a black widow spider in her grapes from Whole Foods. It’s hard to say if the grapes are technically organic at that point, considering they were trying to kill her.
Very Mixed Greens
A Florida woman claimed to find (and then took a photo of) a live frog in her unopened bag of mixed greens from Walmart. To this we say, well, they do blend in well for survival. Frogs have also been reported in bags of frozen vegetables, as well as in duck ponds in the winter.
Roachy Hash Browns
Most of these yahoos are just people trying to get money and screw the public image of large corporations. In 2012, though, a cockroach was clearly spotted by a customer in McDonald’s hash browns. That sucks, but the real kicker is – reportedly – that the manager just marked the receipt so the next meal would be on them, completely unsurprised and unconcerned by the findings.
Lizardy Kale Salad
The most recent addition to this list comes from just last week. A Manhattan woman named Robin Sandusky was digging in to her kale salad when she noticed something oddly reptilian in the corner of her bowl. That something was a lizard head with half-open eyelids and an arm attached. According to reports, Sandusky’s reaction was to say, “Oh man. I have a lizard in my salad.” She then took the picture seen here, called for a refund, and discarded the meal.
Shared Sweet Tooth
A Texas woman reported finding a tooth with a silver filling in her Milky Way during a road trip. That, or she was fear and loathing herself across the Southern Belt. Either way, she’s lucky it wasn’t a Snickers, or she just would have chalked it up to peanut-wrapped caramel goodness and moved on.
Last But Not Least: The Severed Finger
Every great tragic food story must end with a nod to this one. A Michigan teen found a severed inch-long finger in his Arby’s sandwich, to which health officials speculated that a woman who cut her finger while working a meat slicer left her station but did not clean up the mess, and her unaware co-workers still carried on with their regular work shift. So where do you want to eat tonight? I’m thinking Arby’s.
