The internet has given every human being a voice, and while that doesn’t mean we don’t want at least some of you to shut up, usually we’re just thrilled that you now have a place to air out the strangest, kinkiest back rooms of your imagination. Case in point: eBooks, and specifically erotic eBooks.
Whereas in generations past it was necessary for aspiring authors to actually show someone else their work, get it proofread, and actually be told whether or not it was a good idea to share it with the world, nowadays anyone can publish any damned thing they want. And sometimes these online writings evolve from fan fiction into worldwide phenomenons that make scads of money at the box office. (coughFiftyShadesOfGreycough).
Check Out: Weird Sex Stories That Make ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Look Tame
If a novel that started out as a BDSM saga of Bella and Edward from Twilight can become a hit, why not other strange erotic novels? Why not the weird, bizarre, what the heck were they thinking erotic eBooks that now litter Amazon’s Kindle Store? The kinds that make our eyes bulge out with wonder, horror, and maybe just a little bit of unironic curiosity?
Because make no mistake, Rule 34 is real, and every unusual – and sometimes just baffling – idea for a pornographic story really has been told, in one form or another. It just blows our mind that some people bothered to tell these stories over the course of thousands of words, slap together some book covers, publish them online and presumably make a mint.
We’ve scoured the annals of the Amazon Kindle Store for the book titles and synopses that we couldn’t believe were real, until we actually started reading them. Granted, at least some of these are probably written with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but some of the others? We just have no clue, and we don’t think most of you will either.
We will never judge you, denizens of the internet. God bless all of your wonderful, weird and kinky minds.
14 Bizarre Erotic eBooks You Won’t Believe Are Real
William Bibbiani is the editor of CraveOnline’s Film Channel and the host of The B-Movies Podcast and The Blue Movies Podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
14 Bizarre Erotic eBooks You Won't Believe Are Real
-
A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay
Amazin' Amazon Description:
The year is 2014 and dinosaurs have gained control of the world economy due to exceptionally accurate stock predictions. After graduating from NYU with a business degree, John is hired to be the assistant for one of the largest trading firms on Wall Street. His boss, the CEO of the company is highly regarded as the best businessman of the century. Only difference is that he is a dinosaur!
Part Two Now Available! The Saga Continues!
Best Customer Review:
“Finally, I understand what all that science and history stuff at the Noah's Ark museum is all about.
In high school, I was never able to reconcile evolutionary biology with the truth I knew in my heart, but, now, I have the whole story. The Bible was right all along, and dinosaurs are just mythological creatures in stories we tell ourselves in order to explain our discomfort with being sexually objectified by older men in the workplace.
So glad to have that cleared up.” ~ L. Gildart
-
A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay- Part Two
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Part Two of the Billionaire Dinosaur Series.
Two years have passed since John's billionaire dinosaur boss unceremoniously fired her (sic) after he forced him gay at his beach house. Now, after months of tedious planning, John is ready to strike and finally take his revenge on the powerful billionaire before his launch into space. With the world on the brink of a dinosaur take over, John is one of the only people who can begin to write (sic) the wrongs of the most dominant billionaire dinosaur!
-
Garden Gnome Sex Party
Amazin' Amazon Description:
When Jenny adds a little whimsical flavor to her garden with a trio of gnome statues, she never suspects what's in store. When the sun goes down, Jenny discovers her new lawn ornaments are ready to get busy, and they know how to use those pointy red hats to please a woman!
Warning: Explicit adult material. Three on one action, hard pointy hats, and gnomehoods as big as any man's!
-
Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner
Amazin' Amazon Description:
When Donny lands a job at Jurassic Law, the world’s leading T-rex law firm, he’s absolutely thrilled. Unfortunately, after just one day it quickly becomes clear that Donny’s new position entails more than just legal work.
Soon Donny makes the deal of a lifetime and finds himself contractually bound into a gay T-rex gangbang that gives new meaning to the term, “dinosaur bones.”
Best Customer Review:
“Fantastic! A strong improvement and much-needed pivot from the Gay T-Rex Investment Banker genre.” ~ shadford
-
I'm Gay For My Living Billionaire Jet Plane
Amazin' Amazon Description:
When Alex boards a red-eye flight from New York to Los Angeles, he expects nothing more than another boring business trip. Little does Alex know that the plane itself will soon lead him on a life changing journey of erotic, gay passion.
After learning about the plane’s side business as a blackjack card counter, Alex agrees to meet the billionaire aircraft at his luxurious Beverly Hills mansion. But when things start to heat up by the pool, Alex is taught a lesson in more than just counting cards.
Best Customer Review:
“This is probably the best edited of Chuck's books so far. There were only a couple of mistakes, and they didn't really pull me out of the story.
As usual, Mr. Tingle does overuse the qualifier ‘gay' for just about everything (primarily anuses), but it was mostly in dialogue this time, so not as silly.
I am, as always, utterly amazed at Mr. Tingle's... unique grasp of anatomy and physics. And complete lack of lube.
Keith seems a little preoccupied with image, what with his ownership of a huge mansion that he never enters, but he also seems pretty laid back. The kind of airplane you wouldn't really mind hanging out with poolside. I don't think Alex has as much character development as Keith does, but I enjoyed the fact that he was willing to take a chance on his relationship with Keith.” ~ J. Myrna RottenRomance
-
My Robohound Took Me
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Jennifer is a mechanical technician for one of the largest computer programing companies in the world. Working late with her boss one night on the new line of RoboHounds, they decide to pop open a bottle of champagne after completing their work. Jennifer's boss decides to head home at midnight, leaving her alone in the lab with the RoboHound. After turning him on, Jennifer's wildest and darkest fantasies are brought to life and there's only one thing to do now that he's awake.
-
My Woolly Mammoth Boyfriend: (Mini Extinct Beast Erotica)
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Nicole, a brilliant and eccentric scientist hasn't been on a date in over five years, losing interest in men long ago. It's not until her best friend Shelly sets her up with a mini Wholly Mammoth (sic), that Nicole's heart thaws from it's Ice Age, finally feeling love again for the first time in what feels like centuries.
-
Pixies Tore Me a New One: Group Pleasures
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Kate is a witch that enjoys spending time in her room playing with her adult toys. Little does she know but pixies have been watching her eagerly waiting to pleasure her. Today is the day.
Will Katie take her powers too far? Will her body be able to withstand the addiction? What happens when she learns how to conjure pixies with endless stamina, hard members that never go down and an imagination of the weirdest, cutest little creatures she can think of?
-
Raptors Beneath The Big Top
Amazin' Amazon Description:
At most circuses you get your standard fare, clowns, acrobats, and the usual rides and games. However an oddity circus gives you just a little bit more. Oddity circuses are known for their amazing shows that leave their audiences breathless. Every act is as amazing as the last and each one leaves you screaming for more.
Emma Flash is a talented animal trainer and is looking to get center ring at the biggest oddity circus in the world, a rare feat for any performer. She has her sights set on this honor, and an opportunity has just fallen into her lap.
A geneticist has successfully been able to reanimate genetic material, and the results of his work are three, full grown raptors. The geneticist wants Emma to take the creatures to the center ring at the biggest show on earth to show them off. The animal trainer jumps on the opportunity. However, the show she and her audience gets is nothing like she expects.
Best Customer Review:
“I liked the start of this story. I could see it was leading up to something interesting.
The big scene was a little bit of a let down as I was expecting the raptors to do their thing without the heroine's teaching.
Maybe that would have been more fun.” ~ M. J. Cannon
-
Taken By The Lightning Bolt (Taken By Stuff Book 1)
Amazin' Amazon Description:
He never expected to be taken by… A LIGHTNING BOLT!!!
EXCERPT: I was standing outside in a field in a thunderstorm humping a metal sculpture of a horse. It was like that giant scary horse sculpture that’s outside Denver International Airport only with bigger junk. I know you’re thinking didn’t that horse sculpture fall down and crush the guy who sculpted it? That’s why I had fixed this one really carefully to the ground with concrete mixed with metal shavings because metal makes things stronger.
I was dry-humping the solid metal back of the horse and holding up my iPhone so I could send a picture unsolicited to people on OKCupid when...
Best Customer Review:
‘I read this and my erection lasted longer than four hours. I went to my doctor and once he read the book he understood.”
“Even sexier if you imagine the lightning as the kind of guy who comes in hard and drops bombs on the second verse of a Drake track” ~ Drew M
-
Unicorn Butt Cops: Beach Patrol
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Jeff just can’t seem to catch a break. Once a working professional at the top of his game, a string of bad luck has sent Jeff to the gutter, literally, where he struggles to survive as a homeless man on Venice Beach.
Things go from bad to worse when Jeff is caught stealing a carnitas taco, and is promptly chased down by the Unicorn Butt Cops, a new branch of government that specializes in hot, gay, anal poundings on inline skates.
The sentence is for a hardcore, double anal threesome, but little do these unicorn cops know that Jeff is an expert in all things gay and anal, leading to a twist ending that’s sure to blow your mind!
-
Violated By Monsters: The Bunnyman Trick
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Kathy had big dreams of becoming a world famous magician but, after her first big show is a massive disaster, she abandons the world of magic for more practical pursuits.
It’s not until Kathy discovers a mysterious magic shop and an old pair of top hats, that her interest is once again piqued. Now armed with the trick of a lifetime, Kathy must face off with the monstrous, and horny, bunnymen from beyond… all culminating in a magical bunnyman gangbang!
-
Violated By Monsters: The Jackalope Farm
Amazin' Amazon Description:
When Kara answers an ad looking for a “perfect ten” farmhand, she’s skeptical about the services required, especially when the pay is fifty thousand dollars a month.
But when she arrives at the farm and meets Teddy and Lisa, an elderly couple who run the government-subsidized ranch, her fears are put at rest. That is, until Kara takes a tour of the giant, industrial breeding center and learns exactly what her new job is all about.
It turns out that the legendary North American Jackalopes are real, and being harvested for their sperm. There’s also a very particular way that Kara must go about getting it… A hardcore jackalope gangbang!
-
Violated By Monsters: The Sharkman Tank
Amazin' Amazon Description:
Lindy is a criminal by trade, a professional thief and swindler with her sights set on one last score before turning her life around and going legit.
Going solo, she breaks into the home of renowned deep-sea explorer and television personality Norman White in search of set of rare pearls. After falling into a tank in Dr. White’s personal aquarium, however, Lindy finds a very different kind of pearl necklace.
Now she’s stuck trying to break out instead of break in, and the only way is through a ruthless sharkman gangbang.
