Sharknado, Syfy’s instant masterpiece about a tornado filled with sharks and the actors who haven’t worked since the 90s who fight them, is by far the most culturally significant film of our time. Even though the special effects were created on a free iPhone app and the continuity was like a conversation between Amanda Bynes and a toaster, Sharknado is a brilliant piece of cinema that succeeds because it is exactly what you expect it to be. Hilariously earnest in its terribleness. And about 70% of the terrible was any scene that included Tara Reid, because it was obvious that she was just fed Xanax and wine the whole time and right before the director said action, a person wheeled her out and helped her get her balance. She won’t be back for the sequel. This is a sad day. TMZ reports:
Sources connected to the production tell TMZ … producers had a meeting this past week to discuss plans for the New York-based sequel — and the only actor they want back for round 2 is Ian Ziering. Of course, Ian slaughtered more sharks than anyone in the original — killing fish from Santa Monica to Beverly Hills and even into THE VALLEY!! Tara played Ian’s estranged wife in the flick — and survived the massive shark attack (even when the sharks broke into her HOUSE!!) — but Sharknado 2 is not in her future. As for Ian, sources say both he and Tara scored around $50k for Part 1. Ian should rake in a lot more for the sequel. And good news … we’re guessing he’s available.
Sharknado 2 will the Empire Strikes Back of sharks in tornado movies, so they have to cast this right. My I suggest Candace Cameron as lesbian marine biologist who is running from her past. And Luke Perry as a renegade cop who is battling his inner demons and his ex-wife in court when the unthinkable strikes. And Alyssa Milano as an aging stripper who won’t let this happen again. I’ve spent way too much time thinking about this.
