Screenshot: YouTube/Wood Rocket
Finally, a movie based around a comic book that’s neither needlessly complicated or three hours long. Although, in this case, I suppose the longer the better. The plot of “Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles” is simple: A horny dude who works at the nuclear power plant masturbates into the sewer and creates four giant, hornier turtles. Makes sense. The only holes (in the plot, that is) are the turtles’ names. I mean, would you really pick Michelangeblow or Dongatello for a baby before they grew up and you realized how hyper-sexual they were? Regardless, at least there was already a porn star named April O’Neil to fill the lead female roll, so all’s forgiven. Check out the full trailer below, but beware of the incredibly NSFW language. Besides that, cumabunga, dudes!
