Sexy Snapchatting: The Official Guide

Snapchat has become one of the most popular social media platforms in the world, but that doesn’t mean countless people aren’t still using it to send sexy pictures that have an expiration date on them. If you’re not familiar with Snapchat, the sender sets a timer for how long the recipient can see the photo. Here’s a helpful how-to for sending sexy content on Snapchat to keep you from looking like a creep.

Sexy Snapchatting: The Official Guide

Give Them Enough Time to See The Picture

Snapchat puts a very interesting power in your hands. You get to choose the amount of time the recipient gets to look at your picture. This is tricky. You want them to be able to see it, but you don’t want it to disappear faster than a single packet of Chick-fil-A Sauce with a 12-piece meal. Why do they do that? Who only uses one packet of sauce? If you put the timer less than 3 seconds they’re not really going to be able to process what they’ve just seen. Unless you’re a ghoul trying to cover up how gross you look, you should never send a sexy snap less than 3 seconds long.

But Don’t Give Them TOO Much Time

Now on the other hand you never want to give them way too much time to stare at your picture and show all their friends and hang it over the mantle like a family portrait. The timer technically goes up to 10 seconds, but nothing good happens when you send a single photo for them to stare at for 10 seconds. First of all, they’re going to notice your dirty clothes lying in the background next to a bag of Jack in the Box as well as your weird middle toenail that grows way faster than any other toenail. You don’t want any of that to happen. Plus if you’re sexting with someone that needs a full 10 seconds to process a single photograph, you probably shouldn’t be talking to them anyway.

NEVER Take a Screenshot

You might think taking a screenshot is a great way to keep that 5-second photo from expiring and no one will know, right? Nope! The sender receives a big, ugly notification letting them know that you took a screenshot and now you’re never going to get another picture from the person again for the rest of your life. Even if they send you a completely innocent picture of a puppy sitting in a vase, don’t take the screenshot. You never want your name and face to be synonymous with sneaky screenshots. You’ll become the Bill Belichick of Snapchat.

Don’t Open Your Snap Too Quickly

Unless you’re in the middle of a hardcore Snapchat sexting session, you never want to open a snap as soon as you get it. You’ll look like a goblin sitting in a clock tower desperately refreshing your app praying that someone will send you a photo. Give it a few minutes and play it cool. Your sender will be like, “Oh wow they must be really hot and active. Wow I want to kiss them on the mouth. I can’t believe they’re single. We need to make out immediately!” Or, you know, something along those lines.

But Don’t Wait TOO Long

You want to look like your entire life isn’t depending on their next photo, but you don’t want to leave it unopened for days. It’s one thing if it’s in the middle of your workday, but if you don’t open theirs and you’re posting pics to your Snapchat story, you’re probably not going to get any more pictures. Think of it like posting on Twitter or Facebook when you haven’t returned someone’s text, except instead of a text it’s someone’s boobs.

Start Out Slow

This is where there is a definite advantage of being a woman over a man. A girl can post a picture of her shoulder with her mouth and chin visible and it’s the hottest thing ever. There are 10,000 different angles, body parts, and looks girls can send and it comes out sexy. For guys, you basically have one and you can’t just unload that NC-17 Game of Thrones pic right away. Imagine a guy just sending a picture of his butt. No thanks. You have to find a way to start out slow and make little things sexy or otherwise you’re just going to be trying to figure out multiple penis angles by the 3rd photo.

Don’t Rapid Fire Your Snaps

You’re not Netflix so there’s no need to release all 15 of your sexy pictures at once for your recipient to binge watch. Remember how excited you were waiting to watch the next episode of Lost? That’s how your Snapchat sexing game should be. Obviously I’m not saying wait a week to send each one and end it with a disappointing, ambiguous ending, but at least give them a chance to open one before you send the next. Otherwise it looks like a creepy penis flipbook and no one wants to see that. No one.

Don’t Be Afraid to Switch to Video

Pictures are great, but if you want to change the game forever, switch to video and show them what’s up. You don’t have to worry about capturing the perfect shot and things are definitely going to get a lot sexier, but there are a lot of other factors you have to worry about. For example, now you have to worry about sounds. If you have Buckcherry playing in the background and you’re grunting like an injured mule while doing whatever it is you’re doing, that’s going to be a problem. Make sure you have the proper soundtrack and you keep your groans to a minimum so you sound hot and not congested.

NEVER Ask For Nudes

Ok this may be the most important tip of all. You never want to be known as the person that trolls around Snapchat desperately asking for nudes. If you don’t have someone that wants to send them to you, then you should try this amazing thing called pornography. Believe it or not, it’s all over the internet and it’s free! Wow! Plus porn sites won’t screenshot your creepy message and post it on forums or social media for everyone to see how thirsty you are. You wouldn’t walk up to someone in public and ask for them to take their shirt off, so don’t do it on Snapchat.

Realize Anything You Send Could Be Public

I know you love and respect this person so much in the three days you’ve been exchanging photographs with each other, but just remember that, at any time, they could turn on your completely and decide to post something you’ve sent to the world. If you don’t mind, then by all means, send your butthole to anyone that wants to look at it, but just remember that some people suck and they could get mad and decide to try and put you on blast. Whatever. Look how great your abs look in that picture!