When it comes to anal sex, it seems as simple as just sticking it in. But there’s a lot of things you should know before trying this position for the first time: nerve endings, proper lubrication and the general dos and don’ts of bending over or entering in the rear. They didn’t teach you this stuff in sex ed.
“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.”
― Jarod Kintz, “$3.33”
Clean your playground before and after you play
Just as you might wash your hands before putting them on something about to go in your mouth, so is the same when it comes to shoving a pecker into a delicate flower, err, the other flower. According to WebMD, “the anus is full of bacteria.” So when we say “cleaning the playground,” we’re not talking a light graze with a bar of soap — that stuff is unsavory even for a cleaning product — we’re talking in-depth scrub-down, ridding the body of any unsightly smells, dead skin and all else on the spectrum of bacteria. Just because you’re playing with a butthole doesn’t mean it’s okay to smell like one (unless you and your partner like that sort of thing).
“The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex, and picnics.”
— Christopher Hitchens
Don’t worry, you’re probably not shitting
The first time you came, you were probably terrified you were going to piss yourself. Well, the same goes for most women when it comes to anal. And guys, it won’t break or get stuck, so don’t be hasty with your jamming and ripping. All this is to say it’s not definite you won’t see shit. Just don’t be paranoid about it or you’ll miss out on the whole party. But just a word of advice: It’s more pleasurable if the rectum is empty to begin with.
Angles are everything
You can use a lot of the same positions as regular sex, but in the case of anal insertion, missionary is actually the least practical for once, as doggy-style and flat from behind take the cake. According to The-Sexperts.org, it’s “not nice to jam your cock or dildo in somebody’s ass.” You don’t have to be a mathematician, physics professor or an architect of any kind to know what angles work, but some light trial and error never hurt either. When it comes to popping the cherry on a trusting new anal attendee, slow and steady wins that race.
Beware the anal aftermath
Monogamy isn’t the only sure-fire way to avoid anal aftermath. According to the Mayo Clinic, any man or woman who engages in anal activity is more subjected to anal cancer, just saying.
Practice safe keeping with condoms and lube (again, beware of oil-based lubrication), and never, ever use the same fingers that were in one’s butt immediately in another sexual orifice for fear of infection.
And when you’re done, go to the bathroom, just as you would for regular sex, to avoid a urinary tract infection (UTI) or other not-so-fun bacterial mishaps. And like regular after-sex bathroom breaks, it may take awhile and come out in more than one direction. Don’t shoot the messenger.
“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want — anal, oral, fisting — but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.”
— Slavoj Žižek
Worse case scenario: you get laid in other ways that can be satisfying as well. Anal sex doesn’t have to be a requirement if you don’t want it to be. And always be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and be sure to practice safe sex.
