Photo: Wavebreakmedia Ltd (Getty)
Let’s face the facts; sometimes things don’t always go as you hoped they would. But instead of banging your head against the wall, getting loaded and being a general prick to everybody in your field of vision, why n
ot try a better way of handling your newfound freedom?
We’ve all been there and will likely return at some point, but how you handle a breakup, and some of the more trivial moments related to it, can be a catalyst for better experiences in the future. So before you go blowing off steam and hard-earned cash on dancing girls and afternoon strip club buffets, consider some more conducive alternatives to a speedy recovery and sharpen the focus on being you again — a newly single guy.
How a (Newly) Single Guy Handles a Breakup
Photo: Getty
Move On
Remember the old you, the one that used to do what he wanted to do and didn’t care what other people had going on? Remember the guy who seamlessly tore all the sleeves off his entire wardrobe so he could have a sleeveless summer? It’s time to find that guy again, the guy everyone used to love and sorely misses.
What’s done is done, el finito. There’s no going backwards in relationships, unless of course you forgot to pull out that one time and now owe monthly child support. Try not to waste too much time unraveling the mystery of heartbreak or dwelling in the past. There’s still a long road ahead, young man, paved with pretty lights and plenty more pretty girls.
As with any loss, it’s good to take a moment to accept the changes and maybe squirt a couple tears. But standing still staring back in time won’t do any good. You don’t have to brush it off as if nothing happened either. Just accept that things are the way they are, put one foot in front of the other and carry on the best you possibly can. If you forgot who you were before this all started or what it’s like being single, now is the time to embrace the gift that most committed men often fantasize of. Christmas came early, so enjoy it while it.
Take Advantage of Being Alone
Nobody needs to be with somebody, or at least they shouldn’t. Yes, some people feel better in relationships, can’t stand being alone or just appreciate some regular companionship. Who wouldn’t? But, a lot of relationships implode because one or both of you isn’t happy, for any number of possible reasons. Maybe it just wasn’t working, maybe she was a gigantic bitch, or perhaps it had something to do with your attitude. Maybe she found out she likes women?
Regardless, in order for a relationship to work and work well, both people need to be happy alone. So if it didn’t work out, go back to working on being happy without the need to please another person. Sit with your coffee and enjoy the stillness of the morning. Have a drink after a hard day’s work and just be happy. Focus on the good things in front of you, and you’ll be alright. And if those things include a tub of chocolate ice cream and Lifetime movies, then that’s okay, too (for now). After awhile feelings can fester, so find healthy distractions. Go for long walks, listen to new music and stay out of your own head. Nothing good will come from sitting in a dark all day. Get out of the house and start doing things you like doing again — on your own.
Live Well; It’s the Best Revenge
It’s true what they say: There is no better way to handle a breakup, especially if you’re on the receiving end, than to live well and be happier than you’ve ever been. You can fake it, but that might make you more miserable knowing you are lying to everyone. Instead, just do the things that make you happy, but do them better than before.
You like dogs? Get yourself a dog. Oh hell, get two. Roll around on the ground with them in public and let them lick your face. It will be therapeutic. Love those little beasts with all that extra love you’re used to sharing.
You like having a girlfriend? Get yourself a better one. There’s no rush, but when you’re ready, find a girl who’s cooler, smarter and just all-around better. You don’t have to shove it in the ex’s face, either. Just move on, be happy and know that if she ever gave a single hoot about you, she knows you’re doing better and hates it. The trick is to always make things better after she’s gone.
Use What You’ve Learned
Even the worst relationships, like verbally abusive ones where she told you you were worthless and made fun of you in front of your friends, have silver linings; lessons to be learned. As you move on, spend less time thinking about the girl and more time thinking about what you personally became better at. You learned how to consistently hold the door for a woman? Good for you. Hang on to that, champ.
Not everything is lost in a messy breakup. Grasp your pride and keep the chin up. She taught you how to sit up straight? That was nice of her. Now, focus less on her bitching about how you operate and just remember that your posture is better now thanks to that situation. You don’t owe her your life, but you’re better in some way having been down that road, however winding and boring it may have been.
Want another example? Great! Did that negative ball of energy ever teach you some cool tricks? Use them. As far as we’re concerned, they’re yours now. She showed you how to cook chicken in a skillet with organic produce instead of broiling it unseasoned for four hours in the oven? Excellent! Use that recipe with your next girlfriend. Isn’t this fun?! You can take something you learned and make the next similar experience even better, without owing anything to her or a dysfunctional relationship.
Photo: Getty
Go Up a Notch When You’re Ready
Before you burn all the photos and shoe boxes full of love sonnets you wrote, consider the things you might have been lagging in before, during and after this whole debacle, then correct it.
If you felt sluggish or out of shape, take the time to eat right and work out more. If you were sticking around because of a girl and hate where you live, maybe it’s time to physically move on. Does your place smell like cats because she had one despite your hatred of cats? Clean the place up or move to a neighborhood more suited to your interests. If you miss staring at sexy coeds in public, move near campus. It’s cool. If they’re creeped out, that’s their problem, not yours. Get yourself some dark tinted glasses and have yourself a polite afternoon.
Whatever felt off while she was around doesn’t have to be off anymore. So fix what feels wrong and make everything about you. The beauty of being a single guy is you only need to worry about you for the time being. If that period lasts the rest of your life, more power to you.
Don’t Feel Compelled to Do Anything
Once you cross the finish line of a relationship, that’s it. Take your ribbon and go home. She wants to linger around and be friends? That’s nice, but not really her call. You don’t have to beg on bended knee when you’re the one trying to move on. The most she can ask for is that you return her underwear, but feel free to take your time with that.
Any guy who gets cut loose from a relationship and is nice enough to continue to honestly play the friend role should be given a medal, but know that it’s totally optional. The age-old gem known as trust is the backbone to relationships, even platonic ones, but it can be tough to trust someone who recently ripped your heart out like it was a scene from “The Walking Dead.”
The best thing you can do is move at your own pace, get over it and into something better, then when you’re ready, take the time to consider the offer. Chances are if you wait long enough and truly move on to happiness again, you won’t have the time or care for what’s left in that corner of your life.
To conclude, all of these ideas might be easier to write than execute, so instead of being glib and ignoring the fact that you might actually be having a tough time, remember that things happen for a reason. When that shiny green bike with front AND back pegs was the most important thing in the world to you right before it was run over by a garbage truck, you thought your world was ending. But that led to you growing up and buying a car, which might have been where you first got laid. See? You grow as a person and move on to better things. Chin up and carry on, fella.
