While covering everything from automotive to travel to the arts, I come across nightmare stories of folks working with difficult people. It might be a temperamental artist. Maybe it’s an engineer with a shortage of social skills. Regardless, it was a wise man who said it’s not just urologists who have to work with dicks.
And, with that pithy bon mot, we’re off to learn how to work with somebody you simply can’t stand. No matter what career path you choose, whether you end up the CEO or spend years slaving away in the mailroom, you’re going to have to learn how to toil alongside jackasses. That thorn in your working day’s paw could be your boss, a peer or an underling, but the nature of human interaction and the inevitability of suck in this life guarantee you’ll have to function at your professional best alongside some miserable bastard.
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You need some solid strategic tips on how to deal with that human paper cut you face every morning. We reached out to experts on getting along to get along and asked them for hardcore tips on how to handle working with the unbearable amongst us.
1) Remember the only factor in your control is you.
No matter what challenge some prick at the office serves up, you always maintain total control over how you respond. You don’t have to take the bait and get into disputes with miserable folks.
Bonnie O’Neill, Ph.D., specializes in Management Science and Organizational Psychology at Marquette University. If facing a challenging personality, she urges you to turn your attention away from the problem and back to yourself.
“You control your reactions. In fact, it’s really the only control you have. You decide how to reaction emotionally When you take the responsibility for your reaction and only that, you make your day easier. You remove the disputes and direct energy to the work.”
2) Don’t waste time trying to change the jerk.
Just as you and no one else is responsible for your behavior at work, the jag off in question bears the same burden. While it might seem like work would get down more easily if you could somehow reach the jerks around you and get them to change their behavior, that’s a trap and a wasteful use of energy.
According to Eric Rogell, Chief Marketing Officer of Illuminositi – a discount booking platform for professional management courses — it’s better to figure out why you don’t like that person and figure a way to work around it all.
“If you don’t like someone because they are difficult and generally an unreasonable ass, it might be because he or she needs to be managed more carefully,” Rogell explains. “You can’t necessarily change that person, but you can better figure out how to manage them.”
For example, Rogell points out someone who lashes out over nerves and stress could be overwhelmed and might need more constructive guidance and input. People who challenge your every decision or action could be looking to advance themselves at your expense. It’s better to stick to the basics of the job rather than engage them in an argument.
3) Always focus on the job — not the people helping you do it.
A common trap for those working with the difficult is becoming too involved — even obsessed — with disagreements while losing sight of why you’re there working with him or her in the first place.
O’Neill explains work actually gives us the perfect method for ignoring asshats (my term) as keeping eyes on the prize helps you remain productive when you could otherwise become emotional and negative.
“By focusing on the requirements of a given task, we can move beyond the behavior of that difficult person,” O’Neill said. “Not only do you get the job done, you avoid taking on the behavior of the difficult person. Remember you’re there to do the work, not become invested in the behavior of someone else.”
4) Cultivate a sense of team even the teamwork is struggling.
Dr. Rick Kirschner (http://theartofchange.com) is a motivational speaker and communication skills trainer focusing on business relationships. According to him, when people behave badly at work — and the problem isn’t substance abuse or criminality — it’s likely that person lacks the flexibility and resourcefulness to adapt to the reality of his or her life and work. It can help to make it clear he or she isn’t alone.
“When people run out of resources or adopt an inflexible mindset, the inevitable result is that they act out their distress. A key to working with those people is that their behavior isn’t personal. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Understand this and send the signals that you’re on the same side, or share some common purpose, goal or idea.”
Kirschner calls it his Basic Rule of Human Relationships: “Nobody cooperates with anybody who seems to be against them.”
