Going home for the holidays can be stressful enough without the added paranoia of running into someone you don’t want to see. Lucky for you, we have you covered with a complete guide of people you don’t want to see and where to find them.
Who: Your “Happily-Single” Ex Girlfriend
Why They Should Be Avoided at All Costs: She’ll make your entire night out about her, whether you want it to or not. Like, remember that time you made plans to go to Paris with her after high school but opted for a camping trip with the bros and then broke up with her? Or remember when you called her drunk from your college dorm but she was already with her new boyfriend? Oh, they aren’t together anymore, why would you bring that up anyway??
Who: The Person Who Never Left Home
Why They Need to Be Avoided at All Costs: It’s uncomfortable lying about why you don’t want to go out for the next 5 days, or however long you’re home, and once this townie finds out you’re back she’ll want to do all the great things you guys used to do when you lived close, meaning you’re going to have to think up a lot of excuses and basically take cover at any public place she might be at when you’re supposed to be at your great aunt Cindy’s for your family’s made up traditions.
Who: The Person With Three Kids, a Steady Job and a Mortgage
Why They Need to Be Avoided at All Costs: Because nothing is more depressing than seeing your future.
Who: The Girl Who Used To Be Fat But Joined a Sorority in College So She’s Cool Now
Why They Need to Be Avoided at All Costs: If you don’t comment on the fact she looks great now, she thinks you’re an asshole. If you do comment on the fact she looks great now, she thinks you’re an asshole. There you have it.
Who: The Former Football Star Turned Yoga-Doing Vegan Hippie
Why They Need to Be Avoided at All Costs: You guys probably used to be friends, but when he went off to college his Facebook started filling up with yoga pictures and life quotes about his newfound cruelty-free life and you just had to block him. Sure, running into him wouldn’t be that terrible, but chances are if you say you’re stuffed from Christmas cookies or too much turkey, might send his gluten-free, vegan pretention over the edge.
AND OF COURSE…
Who: That person you slept with one time when you were drunk and successfully kept it a secret for five years
Where: A completely unassuming burrito shop you’re probably going to walk by at least three times
Why They Need to Be Avoided at All Costs: Secrets have a weird tendency of coming out during the holiday season, so if you’ve successfully kept this one a secret, don’t risk running into them and opening the floodgate for gossip and reminiscing.
