Furious 7 has opened in theaters, and its awesomeness is spreading across the land as you read this. Furious 7 is, like any seventh film in any long-running film series, constructed for fans of the series. While one can conceivably walk into Furious 7 cold, that person might be a little confused as to who some of those characters are, what their longtime drama is, and why they have such a strong connection. The Paul Walker tribute segment might also be lost on them.
As it so happens, I have seen a lot of part sevens in many long-running movie series (thanks largely to a CraveOnline feature I worked on called The Series Project), including Furious 7, so I am intimately familiar with the dynamic of sequels, the way they tend to run, and the way part sevens tend to function within the context of a long-running series. When it comes to seventh chapters, I can make the following conclusions: Seventh chapters are when a series becomes totally and inexorably self-referential. With exceptions, of course, seventh chapters are an attempt to put a button on a series. To connect them to something larger, or to wrap things up neatly. By part seven, we are also so deep into the series’ mythology, that they tend to play like service for the fans.
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Star Trek: Generations was an attempt to link the older Star Trek movies with the Next Generation Star Trek movies. Saw 3D was the final chapter in the series. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare was when Craven returned to the series and added a meta-narrative to Freddy Krueger. Diamonds Are Forever, the 7th Bond film, was the return of Connery, calling the who “changing of the guard” element of James Bond into question. Muppets from Space was about the backstory of the Muppets themselves, rather than a “repertory players” performance. Even the seventh Howling film tried to tie all the disparate films together with one of the messiest plot machinations of all time (it turns out Sybil Danning’s ghost was possessing random characters this whole time).
And what was the 7th Star Wars film? If you count TV movies, it was The Phantom Menace. If you don’t, it was The Clone Wars. If you only want to count “episodes,” it will be The Force Awakens. In all three instances, the films tried to take Star Wars to new ground that would allow us to reconsider the films that preceded them.
Below is a specially ranked list of all the part 7s that I have seen. Some of the films are difficult to compare, but I think the ranking stands. What do you think? What other patterns are there when it comes to seventh chapters?
Sideshow: Part 7 of Everything
Witney Seibold is a contributor to the CraveOnline Film Channel, and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind.
Part 7 of Everything
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28. Trail of the Pink Panther (1982)
Peter Sellers was already dead, so Blake Edwards tried to construct a feature out of nothing but interviews with actors from the series, spliced with B-roll and used footage from the previous movie. It's an abomination. It was so bad, the Sellers estate sued the filmmakers.
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27. The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)
A minor actor from both The Howling V: Rebirth and Howling VI: The Freaks decided to make his own dang Howling movie. It's so high concept, it has no werewolves. It's mostly footage of hicks in a bar listening to country music. It's awful, cheap, and not fun. Luckily, it's also really hard to find.
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26. Witchcraft 7: Judgement Hour (1995)
It's not about witches in this one. It's about vampires. Here's the vital detail you need to know about Witchcraft 7: The song that plays over the credits is a breathy ballad called “Suck the Fire.”
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25. Retro Puppet Master (1999)
Greg Sestero (from The Room) plays the young Andre Toulon, and tells the flashback story of how the puppet master first began animated his evil puppets. Although none of the films in the Puppet Master series have great production values, this one is particularly cheap. Although not as cheap as the 8th, which consists mostly of clips from previous movies.
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24. Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
Which one was this? Oh yeah, it was the one with the haunted hotel with the tomato-producing cornstalks in the basement. Also, the heroine, a woman mourning her dead gramma, does not witness any of the violence in the film, so it's also gratuitous.
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23. Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
The fifth, sixth, and seventh Hellraiser movies all feature the exact same plot with the exact same twist ending: The main character opens the puzzle box out of curiosity, is stalked throughout the film by demons and nightmares, and eventually learns, via a speech from Pinhead, that they were in Hell this whole time. This time it was Kari Wuhrer investigating a Pinhead cult. Not much to report.
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22. Amityville: A New Generation (1993)
The one with the haunted mirror, the hipster loft, and David Naughton.
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21. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
This is the one where Jason is resurrected by a chick with psychic powers. That's about all you need to know.
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20. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999)
If you include the Holiday Special (which I do) and the two made-for-TV Ewok movies (which I do) then this one was the 7th film in the Star Wars series. Do I need to say anything about it?
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19. Star Trek: Generations (1994)
The first film to feature the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation, this film is maligned by fans and critics alike for being slow, illogical, and possessed of way too much “passing the torch” crap. Next Generation had been on the air, successfully, for seven years. Did they still need to pass the torch?
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18. Ernest Goes to School (1994)
The first straight-to-video film of the Ernest series saw everyone's favorite dummy needing to complete elementary school to keep his job. The slapstick is getting lamer as these films progress, and this is the first time Ernest is not a kind-hearted soul, but a mean-spirited bully. Although it was a sci-fi brain machine that made him such, so he gets a pass. This film, not so much.
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17. America Pie Presents: The Book of Love (2009)
The fourth of the straight-to-video American Pie movies features features a new team of characters, and the origin of the handmade secret sex manual that was first seen in the first American Pie. It's gross without being amusing, but it's not as offensive as some of its immediate predecessors. Spoiler: It turns out that Eugene Levy wrote the first draft of the manual.
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16. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)
This series ran out of steam with Police Academy 5: Assigment Miami Beach, the first film without Steve Guttenberg in the lead role. Part six was something of a patch on the hemorrhaging of the series, and it would have been a fine final chapter. But five years later, the producers felt the need to return with this ultra-cheap, Moscow set conspiracy about tainted video games and Ron Perlman. It's still not as bad as part 5, but why?
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15. Bandit: Bandit's Silver Angel (1994)
Yes, there were four made-for-TV sequels to Smokey and the Bandit in 1994. Bandit's Silver Angel is the one with Traci Lords as the titular Angel.
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14. Muppets from Space (1999)
This is the worst film in The Muppets series, which is a pity, as they were on a roll throughout the '90s with adaptations of classical lit (Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island are both pretty great). This is the first film in the Muppet series that deals with the "real" Muppets, and not a fictionalized version of their on-stage personae... this is getting complicated.
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13. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
The seventh James Bond movie was the one wherein Sean Connery returned for one final go after George Lazenby didn't work out in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This is the one with the annoying Jill St. John, and the chase inside of Circus Circus in Las Vegas. Diamonds Are Forever might have been the first full-fledged turn for the completely ridiculous in the Bond series, a tradition that would be held up by Roger Moore.
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12. Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster (1966)
Ebriah, a giant rogue lobster, is a lame monster in the Godzilla canon, and this rock 'n' roll Godzilla film lacks the little boy giddiness of its predecessors like Godzilla vs. Monster Zero and King Kong vs. Godzilla. Also, it's never really explained how Godzilla came to be on that island with Mothra. Wake me when we get to Destroy All Monsters.
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11. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
By this late in the series, the Harry Potter movies had effectively disappeared up their own orifices, becoming a miasma of murky, difficult-to-follow mythology. This film features Harry and his buddies on the run, away from school, as the evil Voldemort tried to track him down. Lots of downtime is better than lots of action, I suppose.
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10. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Michael Myers gets the Scream treatment in this brief (only 86 minutes!) supposed cap to the Halloween series. The cast is young and hip, the jokes are self-referential, and the story comes to a close when Jamie Lee Curtis decapitates Michael. Too bad we eventually got a part 8.
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9. Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
This part 7 ignored all the previous entries after the first, and went for a direct sequel. The re-writing of canon is always annoying, but the film was spirited and goofy and fun in a way slasher movies just aren't anymore.
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8. Iron Man Three (2013)
After the first Iron Man, this is perhaps the best film in the ever-bloating Avengers series. Tony Stark is a smart, interesting character, and Iron Man Three, handled by action-comedy guru Shane Black, is mercifully low on the dull supra-mythology that bogs down the series. It also features the retirement of a superhero, an interesting plot point. Although he'll be back in a few weeks for Avengers 11.
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7. Hard Hunted (1992)
The seventh film in the L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies series is one of the better ones. It's the first time the sexy she-spies received hints and codewords hidden inside the sexy, sexy sex advice given by the lingerie-clad DJ at radio station KSXY. It was also the one with Roger Moore's son as the villain (taking over the role from Pat Morita!), and the last one with Dona Spier.
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6. Furious 7 (2015)
Furious 7 might prove to be the final chapter in the race-car-series-turned-bonkers-spy-action-series thanks to the death of Paul Walker. It's also the biggest in the series, running a massive 137 minutes, and featuring some awesomely spectacular action sequences. It rocks.
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5. Pokémon: Destiny Deoxys (2005)
Letsee. Deoxys was an alien robot from space, and it fought a big green dragon Pokémon that lives in the ionosphere. It takes place in Quebec City, I think.
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4. Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)
The seventh Hammer Dracula film is a desperate stab at hipness, transporting the series from the past to the present, where Dracula gets to be in the same movie as swinging dance parties and 1970s short shorts. It's enjoyable in a cheesy Hammer way, although not as much fun as some of the earlier films or the later kung fu Dracula movie.
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3. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
The ultra-convoluted, yet strangely coherent actioner married the mythology started by the first X-Men movie and the mythology started by the flashback film X-Men: First Class. It's an exciting and well-constructed film that impressively cleans up all the narrative loose ends left by previous chapters. Director Bryan Singer knows how to wrangle a mess of characters.
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2. Saw 3D (2010)
I admire the Saw series for being so reliable. Every Halloween for a decade, we'd get a new one without fail. The final chapter, filmed in 3-D, did bring the series full circle, which is hard to do, given how wonky the chronology of the series is. The villain, Jigsaw, died at the end of part III, but lived on in flashbacks and through insane “acolytes.” This film will make no sense unless you've seen all the previous chapters.
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1. Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
This is perhaps the best Part 7 imaginable. Wes Craven returned to the Nightmare on Elm Street series for one final go, and wow did he ever rewrite the rules. In New Nightmare, Freddy Krueger (credited as himself) began stalking the actors of the original film. It's great.
