The end of the year is fast approaching, and so once again we here at the CraveOnline Film Channel are looking back at the year that was. 2014 has been a fascinating year for motion pictures, and saw the release of instant classics, challenging art films, thoroughly enjoyable blockbusters and absolute turds. Those are the films we will never forget. For better or worse.
But what of the OTHER movies from 2014? The movies that made no impression whatsoever, and already seem doomed to be a footnote in the dusty tomes of history? If the mark of a great movie or even a terrible one is that it sticks in your memory as an experience that was worthwhile, or that made you want to stab yourself in the eyes, then what are we to say about the films that – before 2014 is even over – we had to struggle to even remember?
Although every movie is probably somebody’s favorite, it’s important to remember that most films slip through the cracks of popular culture, or even counterculture. Time is, as we have often said, the only critic that matters. As film critics we have a responsibility to watch every damn movie we can and try to keep the best ones alive long enough to find an audience, and try to perpetuate critical discourse about the ones that linger but perhaps aren’t as good as we like to think they are. But not every film gets the full treatment, because not every film makes an impression.
As such, here are 14 films from 2014 that we have already forgotten ever existed, whether we liked them at the time or thought they sucked. With this article, we bid these movies adieu, because we’ll probably never talk about most of them ever again. Not because they were the worst movies of the year (at least, not necessarily), but because – just a few months later – our memories have already decided to delete them.
14 Completely Forgettable Movies from 2014:
William Bibbiani is the editor of CraveOnline’s Film Channel and the host of The B-Movies Podcast and The Blue Movies Podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @WilliamBibbiani.
14 Completely Forgettable Movies from 2014
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Before I Go To Sleep
Nicole Kidman has 50 First Dates disease in a slow, uneventful "thriller" with more plot holes than twists. There was a good concept here about what we choose to hide from the people we love, but it was wrapped in a package that wasn't worth opening.
What CraveOnline Said: "If I had the option of forgetting about everything that happens in Before I Go to Sleep, I know I’d take it."
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Devil's Knot
Acclaimed filmmaker Atom Egoyan dramatized the events already portrayed in the Paradise Lost documentaries - about the 1993 child murders that led to a witch hunt and the persecution of the West Memphis Three - but didn't add any new insight to the topic. Devil's Knot was well-produced but it just felt unnecessary.
What CraveOnline Said: "It may be difficult watch a film like Devil’s Knot without wondering why it exists."
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Hellion
Despite a hyped premiere at Sundance and a valiant attempt by "Breaking Bad" star Aaron Paul to break into serious motion picture dramas, the coming of age tale Hellion felt a little too much like a TV movie, and not enough like a story that desperately needed to be told.
What CraveOnline Said: "Covers very familiar territory with little to distinguish itself from other, better movies in the same genre."
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Into the Storm
The definition of an August release, Into the Storm boasted fun visual effects but a boring cast of characters. It's as though a better-than-average SyFy Original Movie accidentally wound up with too big a budget and a theatrical release.
What CraveOnline Said: "Buildings get evaporated, flames spiral into the sky like the devil himself commanded it and the only interesting part about any of that is how Into the Storm somehow managed to make it all seem dull."
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Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
A desperate attempt to rejuvenate Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan franchise in the post-Bourne era suffered from a script with no personality or substance, and thrills that would have felt small on "The Black List." Chris Pine was woefully miscast as a CIA analyst who is actually supposed to understand what he is talking about.
What CraveOnline Said: "They didn’t just reduce the franchise's scale, they reduced the thrills and dumbed down the plot and characters, leaving Kenneth Branagh’s movie feeling like a subpar network TV pilot."
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Men, Women and Children
Jason Reitman directed this sprawling melodrama about parents and teenagers expressing their quiet desperation in the Information Age. Which would have been just fine if the plot had given them problems that weren't old hat in the 1970s, making the whole focus of the film - the way the internet affects our modern lives - seem completely pointless.
What CraveOnline Said: "It’s a grim slog with only one message: that white suburbanites are just as miserable as they have always been, but now they also have the internet."
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Need for Speed
Hopes were high for Need for Speed, a video game adaptation with a promising adaptation and a charismatic star (Aaron Paul, who we aren't picking on, we promise). Unfortunately the film's story didn't hum as well as all the cars. All the stunts in the world couldn't save a a plot this bad.
What CraveOnline Said: "Who knew a film about driving at 180mph could be this slow?"
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Ride Along
Ride Along was a hit, and it's even spawning a sequel, but this formulaic buddy cop riff didn't have a single comedic highlight worthy of remembrance. Hart and Cube were alright, we guess, but the material was uninspired.
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RoboCop
The initial fears that RoboCop was going to be a stain on the original film's reputation were allayed, briefly, by the fact that Jose Padilha's reimagining could have been a lot worse. But it also could have been a lot more dangerous. The new RoboCop was so PG-13 it never seemed to take a single chance, resulting in a competent but utterly forgettable retread of the classic story, sans the personality.
What CraveOnline Said: "A by-the-numbers comic book version of what was once an ingenious fever dream."
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That Awkward Moment
This raunchy rom-com had a really, really, really good cast who elevated a really, really, really bad script. Unfortunately, they could only elevate That Awkward Moment to the level of mediocrity. But kudos to Zac Efron, Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Imogen Poots and Mackenzie Davis for trying.
What CraveOnline Said: "Everyone, from the poorly written male leads to the merely underwritten Imogen Poots, Mackenzie Davis and Addison Timlin, is too good for this, but they’re also too good to just phone it in."
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The November Man
Pierce Brosnan was kinda-sorta-but-not-really James Bond again in this muddled spy movie, which had neither the action nor the clever ideas necessary to give Brosnan - who is actually quite good - anything interesting to do.
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The Signal
An intriguing set-up about super genius college student quarantined by mysterious government spooks gave way to a ridiculous second half in William Eubanks' thriller, which had a few good scenes but asked too many questions that had preposterous answers.
What CraveOnline Said: "Without giving too much away, it just doesn't make any sense."
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Transcendence
An ambitious sci-fi thriller without any of those pesky "thrills," Transcendence starred Johnny Depp as a computer genius who uploads his brain to a computer and slowly takes over the world. Really, really, REALLY slowly. Wally Pfister's film was much more invested in big ideas than in engaging storytelling.
What CraveOnline Said: "Transcendence seems to have given up on humanity altogether, placing its focus entirely on rampant technological expansion that threatens a mankind. Too bad there’s no one worth saving."
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A Walk Among the Tombstones
Liam Neeson plays a tough guy with a gun in a by-the-numbers detective story that was almost creepy enough to stand out. Unfortunately the film's perverse fascination with its child-murdering bad guys didn't hide the fact that they could have been any stock villains in any stock mystery movie, for all they actually mattered.
What CraveOnline Said: "The preponderance of private detective clichés gets in the way of an otherwise interesting foray into the odious garbage disposals of the soul."
