When Trey Parker and Matt Stone created the animated shorts that went on to become South Park in the early ‘90s, who knew what they were unleashing upon the world?
South Park was a breakout hit in 1997, in large part because of Eric Cartman (voiced by Parker), a foul mouthed elementary school student who embodied pure selfishness. Sure, Cartman is part of the of core group of South Park kids alongside Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Kenny McCormick. But despite what Cartman’s mom might say, he is not a good boy.
In fact, Cartman is arguably the greatest villain in South Park, and he has done some outright evil things over the course of the series. Amazingly, he’s only been arrested on the show a handful of times for crimes including kidnapping, false imprisonment of hippies and running a meth lab. Technically, Cartman wasn’t arrested for betraying humanity to the dark God Cthulhu.
Why does anyone put up with Cartman? Because he’s hilarious! Cartman is legitimately one of the greatest characters on TV. Most of the time, Cartman lacks true self awareness of the extent of his crimes nor does he often acknowledge the effect this has on his “friends” and family. In real life, we’d hate Cartman. On TV, he’s a comedy God.
This month, all 17 seasons of South Park are heading to Hulu Plus. That’s 247 episodes for those of you keeping score at home. In honor of this occasion, we’ve assembled a list of Cartman’s Greatest Hits, which includes episodes from every previous season of “South Park.”
Read this list and “Respect My Authoritah!”
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South Park Presents Cartman's Greatest Hits
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1. Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut - Season 1 Episode 13
The first season of “South Park” ended with Cartman on a quest to learn the identity of his father. Along the way, Cartman fell for several false clues about his parentage and he adopted traits from the men that he assumed to be his father.
It says everything about Cartman’s place in the show that this was the first ever cliffhanger in “South Park” history. As Cartman and his potential fathers awaited the lab results, Parker and Stone pulled a joke on viewers by placing an episode based on Terrence and Phillip as the second season premiere.
Some fans still haven’t forgiven them for that one.
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2. Chickenlover - Season 2 Episode 3
This is the infamous episode in which Cartman first said "Respect My Authoritah!"
When Officer Barbrady stepped aside to deal with his illiteracy, Cartman placed himself in charge with his own brand of law & order while he patrolled the streets of South Park and brutalized anyone that he came across.
This kicked off the long running joke of Cartman getting drunk off of his “authoritah,” and it never gets old.
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3. Spontaneous Combustion - Season 3 Episode 2
Are you ready for Cartman as Jesus Christ?
Insisting that he could only play the role of Jesus, Cartman spent almost the entire episode tied up on the cross after everyone essentially forgot that he was up there.
When Stan and Kyle eventually remember a few weeks later, they found Cartman in an extremely emaciated state and he was really pissed off.
But it was funny.
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4. Probably - Season 4 Episode 11
The South Park kids create their own church, which only gave Cartman the power to dominate the lives of his followers like a true televangelist. Parker and Stone utilize Cartman to full effect here, as he openly uses religion to enrich himself while performing a few half-baked “miracles” to keep his followers entranced.
It’s Jesus Christ himself who gives Cartman his eventual comeuppance, by sending him to a place worse than Hell... a small town in Baja California.
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5. Scott Tenorman Must Die - Season 5 Episode 4
In one of the greatest “South Park” episodes of all time, Cartman is frustrated at every turn by a ninth grader named Scott Tenorman. No matter what Cartman does, Scott is always several steps ahead of him.
At least until the end, when Cartman reveals just how far he was willing to go for his revenge. In front of Scott and several shocked witnesses, Cartman admits that he set up Scott’s parents to be killed and fed to Scott in his chilli. While Scott mourns his parents, his favorite band, Radiohead mocks him for crying and Cartman licks the tears from his face.
Stan and Kyle are so visibly unnerved that they agree to never make Cartman angry again. Of course, that didn’t last...
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6. My Future Self 'n' Me - Season 6 Episode 16
Cartman screwed over the kids of South Park by coming up with a company that hired actors to portray their future selves as losers in order to “motivate” them into cleaning up their lives as children.
It was a good con for a while. But Cartman managed to screw himself over on a much higher level when he encountered his own future self. Cartman refused to believe that the thin and successful man in front of him wasn’t just another actor... with unfortunate consequences for the future Eric Cartman.
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7. Casa Bonita - Season 7 Episode 11
In order to secure himself a place at Kyle’s birthday party at the Casa Bonita restaurant attraction, Cartman engineers the fake kidnapping of Butters by convincing him that the post-apocalypse has come.
What elevates this episode into the ranks of the classics is the way that Cartman reacts when he is finally exposed. In an extended sequence, Cartman rampages through Casa Bonita to enjoy it as much as possible before the authorities finally catch him.
When asked whether it was worth alienating his friends and going to juvenile hall, Cartman replies “Totally.”
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8. The Passion of the Jew - Season 8 Episode 3
"The Passion of the Jew" presents Cartman at perhaps the peak of his evil. Inspired by Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, Cartman becomes a very Hitler-esque leader as he advocates a new “final solution” for the Jewish people and he attracts a large crowd of followers who don’t fully understand what Cartman is telling them to do.
Fortunately, the arrival of the real Mel Gibson and his insane antics seem to break the spell that Cartman had over the crowd. Let’s just say that Cartman had something very unpleasant on his face after Gibson was done with him.
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9. Ginger Kids - Season 9 Episode 11
Cartman’s discrimination against Ginger kids hit a crescendo when Kyle and Stan trick him into believing that he is a Ginger himself.
Rather than let himself become crushed by this revelation, Cartman inspires the Gingers to rise up and strike back at their oppressors. Only a desperate whisper from Kyle keeps Cartman from going too far, as he professes a desire to live in peace once he is made to realize that the Gingers would tear him apart if they figured out that he wasn’t truly one of them.
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10. Go God Go XII - Season 10 Episode 13
Remember the days of the Nintendo Wii?
“South Park’s” first strike against the video game console wars
featured Cartman freezing himself to avoid waiting for the Wii to be released... only to find himself trapped in the far future. By placing a prank call to the past, Cartman was able to prevent the future that dominated by worldwide atheism inspired by Richard Dawkins and his wife Mrs. Garrison.In true Cartman fashion, he just can’t let it go once he gets back to the present. The ending of the episode suggests that Cartman once again finds himself in a dystopian future because he couldn’t wait for the Wii.
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11. Le Petit Tourette - Season 11 Episode 8
Cartman realizes that faking Tourette syndrome will allow him to use even more profanity than before. It’s something that he openly enjoys... until the lack of a filter leaves Cartman unable to withhold the truth.
In a twist, Cartman is saved from a humiliating appearance on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator by Kyle’s attempt to expose his initial deception. Cartman is so grateful that he actually hugs a shocked Kyle!
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12. Tonsil Trouble - Season 12 Episode 1
This is perhaps the worst thing that Cartman has ever done.
When Cartman is infected with HIV at a routine dentist visit, he infects Kyle with HIV as well just to ensure that Kyle will do everything that he can to find a cure.
After Cartman drags Kyle into his problems, the boys find an unexpected cure while visiting Magic Johnson in Los Angeles. But it’s not a cure that can be easily replicated by the world...
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13. Fatbeard - Season 13 Episode 7
Inspired by the pirates of Somalia, Cartman convinces a few of his more gullible classmates into accompanying him on a trip to Africa to become pirates themselves. Cartman even manages to win the admiration of the real pirates even as he loses the dedication of his initial followers.
But like all of Cartman’s dreams, this one is doomed for failure. When the U.S. military finally responds to the threat, Cartman soon finds that his new pirate crew has been eliminated.
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14. Coon vs. Coon and Friends - Season 14 Episode 13
Do you remember when Cartman infecting Kyle with HIV was the worst thing that he ever did? This might be a contender for the crown.
In his masked superhero identity as The Coon, Cartman turns on his team, Coon and Friends and he sides with the Dark God, Cthulhu. Cartman manipulates Cthulhu into committing thousands of murders to rid the world of hippies and Justin Bieber fans. In Cartman’s twisted mind, he’s doing the world a favor.
Despite the heroics of Kenny’s alter ego, Mysterion, it’s an unexpected member of the team who saves the world and places Cartman in their super villain jail.
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15. 1% - Season 15 Episode 12
Cartman’s obsession with his stuffed toys was an open secret among his friends. But once Cartman is singled out at school for being so damn fat, he retreats to his inner world and he finds comfort with his stuffed companions...
At least until Cartman’s toys are “murdered” one by one. Who is killing Cartman’s stuffed creatures? There’s really only one person who it can be....
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16. Jewpacabra - Season 16 Episode 4
Cartman fabricates the legend of a bloodsucking "Jewpacabra" that attacks children. But Cartman inadvertently discovers that Big Foot believers easily fell for his lies. They attempt to sacrifice Cartman to the Jewpacabra before they eventually mistake Cartman for yet another animal that doesn’t really exist.
When Cartman finds himself saved from his ordeal, he converts to Judaism and finds himself ostracized from his former followers. But for once, Cartman and Kyle are on good terms as they acknowledge Passover together.
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17. Black Friday - Season 17 Episode 7
The video game console wars have arrived again, and this time Cartman is fully on the side of the Xbox One.
Trey and Parker mix Black Friday hysteria and “Game of Thrones” as Cartman and Kyle form an Xbox One faction of fantasy inspired warriors among the children of South Park, while Stan leads the kids who favor Playstation 4.
It’s the first part of the "A Song of Ass and Fire" trilogy. Who knew that Cartman made such a great fantasy villain?
We did. We’ve always known. That’s why we love him.
