In CraveOnline‘s ‘What to Do’ series, we highlight a number of common (and controversial) relationship issues and tell you What to Do with brutal, unflinching honesty. This week: What to Do if You’re Meeting Her Parents.
Meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time is a big deal. This first impression will be a lasting one, and will set the standard for your relationship with her dear ol’ mom and dad from there on out.
With that being said, the whole experience can prove to be more than a little nerve-racking, as you’re forced to dodge awkward questions like they were bullets (albeit ones that are aimed at your pride rather than your skull) and generally convince them that you’re a decent guy, despite them knowing that you’ve had sex with their daughter.
It’s an awkward situation, but one that we are here to help you with. Here’s what to do if you’re meeting her parents for the first time.
TIP 1: Don’t question their opinions.
By-and-large people possess 30% decent opinions and 70% shitty ones. If you’re the kind of guy who values his principles and therefore dislikes it when someone expresses a particularly abhorrent opinion, such as denying that the Holocaust ever happened or saying that bacon is a better breakfast meat than sausage, you’re likely going to tell them how disdainful their opinion is. However, at no point should you uphold your principles when first meeting your girlfriend’s parents.
If your relationship progresses any further than the meeting the ‘rents stage, you’re going to have plenty of time to disagree with them on a myriad of issues. If you want to come out of your first encounter with them with your relationship in tact, though, you’re going to have to practice the art of “nodding and politely agreeing with everything you hear within the next few hours.”
TIP 2: Master the handshake.
Social convention indicates that you’ll need to greet your girlfriend’s mother with a kiss on the cheek (or a kiss on both cheeks, if you’re being fancy) and her father with a handshake. As the majority of men see every interaction with another male as an assertion of dominance, as if we’re f***ing lions trying to jostle for a position atop Pride Rock, then you’re going to want that first handshake to be a firm one.
Mastering the handshake is a fine art, as being too feeble with your grip may insinuate that your arm is made out of porcelain and therefore you could never be man enough to date his daughter. On the other hand, shaking his hand too firmly may give the impression that you’ve got some underlying self-esteem issues. Find a perfect balance and shake away.
TIP 3: Eat all the food they’ve made for you, even if you don’t like it.
There’s no greater show of disrespect than being invited to someone’s house and then not eating the food they’ve prepared for you. Chances are that your first meeting with her parents will see you being invited to their home for a meal, and regardless of what they serve you, you must eat it. Every last little bit of it. Even if upon entering their home they revealed themselves to be cannibals, proceeded to chop off your left arm and then boiled it and put it on a plate in front of you, you must devour that limb right down to your pinky finger before exclaiming “Wow, I’m so tasty! To think that all these years I never knew what I was missing! What’s for dessert? My genitals? Goodie! Pass the cream!”
