It was revealed today that the final title of the next Superman film will be Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Alluding, of course, to the planned Justice League feature film, due in 2017. Although this story broke mere hours ago, the title has already become the subject of widespread fan derision, and many have been stifling snickers over it. Not since George Lucas announced that his 1999 Star Wars film would be called The Phantom Menace did people consider a subtitle so risible.
Choosing a proper subtitle for your movie sequel is a gentle art, and it can be more misleading than you may intend. Tacking on the words “Armageddon,” or “The Revenge” may prove to be non-descriptive, and more frustrating than evocative. Indeed, when looking over the Resident Evil movies (to cite an example), one has to fight to remember what order they come in: Apocalypse, Extinction, Afterlife, Retribution. Few of them really describe the events of the films they are tacked onto. Whereas a more descriptive title, like say Resident Evil: Battle of the Zombie Clones would have told you exactly what kind of movie to expect.
But over the course of sequel history, certain subtitles have tipped into a weird realm of dumb over-description. As someone who has seen far too many sequels than he cares to admit, I feel like I’m uniquely qualified to comment on sequel subtitles. We here at CraveOnline dug through our mental database, and dug up 24 of the weirdest, dumbest movie subtitles ever committed to a poster.
Witney Seibold is the head film critic for Nerdist, and a contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can read his weekly articles Trolling here on Crave, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind.
The 24 Dumbest Movie Subtitles
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Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story (2005)
Inspired by a true story? You're gonna stick that right in the title?
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Amityville 1992: It's About Time (1992)
It's about time this film came out. In 1992. Or is the film itself about time? It turns out it was both.
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American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)
It's pretty easy to hunt blood. It just sort of sits there.
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Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)
In case one trip to the hood – excuse me, tha hood – wasn't enough, the Leprechaun goes back.
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Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
What's worse than being dead? Why being even deader, of course.
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Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call: New Orleans (2009)
So which is it?
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The Substitute 4: Failure is Not an Option (2001)
Was this a subtitle, or just a note from the film's producers?
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Nemesis 3: Prey Harder (1996)
Dammit, you're not preying hard enough. The title was eventually changed to Time Lapse.
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3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)
“High Noon” I get. But does something happen at noon at Mega Mountain that we're supposed to know about?
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Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)
Stay away from rhymes. Especially with a zombie rave movie. Oh wait. It's a zombie rave movie. I shudder. And speaking of shuddering...
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Guinea Pig 3: Shudder! The Man Who Doesn't Die (1996)
Japanese torture porn never sounded so weird. Japanese films do tend to have weird titles when translated into English. Indeed, check out...
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Office Lady Journal: Wet Bundle (1974)
It's supposed to sound erotic, but the phrase “wet bundle” reminds me of laundry.
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976-EVIL 2: The Astral Factor (1992)
A gimmicky telephone number also has an astral factor. Who knew?
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Trancers 5: Sudden Deth (1994)
You spelled it wrong.
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Helen Keller: The Miracle Continues (1984)
Oh thank goodness. I thought the miracle had stopped.
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Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
Because nothing is scarier than farming in the city.
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Dr. Dolittle: Tail to the Chief (2008)
I'm glad the president is getting laid, but what's the movie about?
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Class of Nuke 'Em High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown (1991)
I can't decide if this is dumb, or one of the most awesome titles imaginable.
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The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, a.k.a. The Howling II: Stirba: Werewolf Bitch (1985)
Two awful subtitles to choose from? I think I like the one with the word “bitch” in it.
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The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)
I don't know why, but that sounds like an oblique sex code to me.
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Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)
Most people's touchstone for the goofiest subtitle of all time.
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The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (2013)
Where is this again?
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Bandit: Bandit, Bandit (1994)
Smokey and the Bandit had four made-for-TV sort-of sequels in the 1990s. The Bandit movies each had a subtitle. One subtitle was Bandit, Bandit. It's real, I assure you.
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FX2: The Deadly Art of Illusion (1993)
Ah yes. The deadly art of illusion. Wait. What the heck does that mean?
