Wednesday night marked the beginning of the NHL’s Stanley Cup playoffs, a 16-team knock-down, drag-out battle in the quest to obtain what many regard as the greatest trophy in sports. Teams will do almost anything for a chance to drink from the Cup, from not washing clothes, to repeating meals.
But over the course of the league’s 86-year history, there’s one superstition that has taken on a life of its own – and that’s the playoff beard.
From coaches, to players and even fans, the razors get put away as the warm weather approaches and the regular season comes to an end. There are some unwritten rules when it comes to the playoff beard, however. Shaving before the beginning is encouraged and at that point, it must be left alone until once a series ends, at which point you may clean it up.
Not everyone tries to look like the Brawny man, though. Over the years some have held on to their shaving kits and instead tried other looks – mustaches, goatees and even mullets.
The potential of remarkable facial hair this spring is good, with some players having already started their beards weeks ago, when the march for the playoffs began. For some teams, the action on the ice could be just as transfixing as the action on their faces, making us wonder why Barbasol hasn’t capitalized on this continuously growing sports fad. So rather than give you our predictions on who will win – cough, San Jose, cough – like every other publication under the sun, we thought we’d do it a little different.
Rather than make rational, fact-based decisions on who will hoist the Cup this year, we wondered what the end result would be if based solely on facial hair – and here’s what we came up with for the first round.
Ed Miller is a contributor for CraveOnline Sports. You can follow him on Twitter @PhillyEdMiller or “like” CraveOnline Sports on Facebook.
Photo Credit: Getty
NHL Playoff Beards
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San Jose vs. Los Angeles
Another heavyweight matchup, San Jose has long been the home for some of the league’s best beards. Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau and Dan Boyle are institutions and add in Brent “Chewbacca” Burns, Adam Burish and Marc-Edouard Vlasic and its one potent lineup. There are a few smooth youngsters though, but the big guys make up for it. Los Angeles is anchored by three players – Mike Richards, Jeff Carter and Jarret Stoll. Marian Gaborik and Justin Williams can also grow some decent facial hair but in the end, there’s just not enough to compete.
Winner: San Jose
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Montreal vs. Tampa Bay
Montreal has one of the greatest facial hair masterminds in NHL history in its corner and his name is George Parros. Add in Brandon Prust and Thomas Vanek and the bleu, blanc et rouge have a solid one through three. However, Daniel Briere and P.K. Subban certainly hinder the team’s chances. As for Tampa, there are few options due to lack of experience. Ryan Malone and newcomer Ryan Callahan are the team’s best option, while other than that, it’s really a pretty unimpressive lineup. Maybe in a few more years Steven Stamkos and Alex Killorn
Winner: Montreal
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Philadelphia vs. New York
Don’t sleep on the New York Rangers, as there are a few lesser-known beards hidden in the blueshirts’ lineup. Newcomer Martin St. Louis can grow a decent chin sweater, while goaltender Henrik Lundqvist’s is a thing of beauty – sometimes all year-long. We haven’t even mentioned Rick Nash, Brad Richards and Dan Girardi. Then there are the wannabe-beards like Dan Carcillo and Brian Boyle, which tend to hurt the team’s chances at advancing. For Philadelphia, Claude Giroux was growing a beard while still in diapers. Jake Voracek has rocked one all year and the ginger even dyed it black for the occasion. Kimmo Timonen, Sean Couturier – who has let his become monstrous – and Nik Grossmann also have the ability to grow something special. There are several baby faces in the lineup, however.
Winner: New York
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Boston vs. Detroit
A battle of two heavyweights, Boston is anchored by Zdeno Chara who will look like he’s right off a desert island. Add in Patrice Bergeron, Milan Lucic and Andrej Meszaros and there is a decent wow-factor for those who witness it. There might be a couple of babyfaces mixed in, but what team doesn’t have that? Meanwhile, coach Claude Julien doesn’t have a single hair left. Detroit has its own star power in Henrik Zetterberg. A Hall of Fame beard, the captain certainly isn’t the only one, with Pavel Datsyuk, Daniel Alfredsson and Johan Franzen. There are a few youngster mixed in too. Keep your eye on the team from the Motor City.
Winner: Detroit
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Colorado vs. Minnesota
With youth comes smoothness, something Colorado certainly has plenty of this postseason. It remains to be seen just what guys like Gabriel Landeskog, Nate McKinnon and Matt Duchene have, given little playoff experience, however there are certainly a few big-time chin sweaters in Max Talbot, Greg Zanon and goaltender Simeon Varlamov. Let’s not forget that Avalanche coach Patrick Roy could grow a mean beard back in his playing days. When it comes to Minnesota, there is plenty of veteran experience. Dany Heatley, Kyle Brodziak and goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov all can grow some wicked facial hair. But studs Zach Parise, Mikko Koivu and even defenseman Ryan Suter could really use some Miracle-Gro. Up and down the lineup, Minnesota is pretty average, with only a couple of potential pause-worthy faces.
Winner: Colorado
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Pittsburgh vs. Columbus
Perhaps the worst first round matchup, there are more smooth than burley faces. Pittsburgh can’t expect much from Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury and Kris Letang also have a tough time, while Brandon Sutter and Joe Vitale might be the only real bright spots. It’s much of the same story for Columbus, thanks to R.J. Umberger, Brandon Dubinsky and goaltender Sergei Bobrovsky. Nathan Horton and James Wisniewski are two of the only standouts for a franchise with little postseason experience.
Winner: Columbus
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Chicago vs. St. Louis
As we’ve seen in recent years, Chicago has the ability to grow several awesome beards, along with some creative hairstyles. Maybe it’s something in the Lake Michigan water but Patrick Sharp, Brandon Bollig and Duncan Keith seem poised to grow something special again. That doesn’t take away from the fact that the team’s two biggest stars – Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane – look like 10-year-olds. It could hurt the defending champions in the long run. St. Louis, on the other hand, is made up of young players who really haven’t experienced a deep playoff run. Veterans Steve Ott, Patrick Berglund and goaltender Ryan Miller have the potential, especially considering how unkempt we see them throughout the course of the regular season. But with so many question marks like T.J. Oshie and Kevin Shattenkirk, it might be too early to see their true blue beards.
Winner: Chicago
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Anaheim vs. Dallas
It’s all about what’s under the mask for Dallas, with two goaltenders that can grow like nobody’s business. Whether it’s a badass ‘stache, or the full-on werewolf look, the position is a huge advantage for Dallas, despite a young group of skaters. Ray Whitney can rock a solid beard and potentially Rich Peverley but other than that, there could be a lot of smooth skin. On the other side, Anaheim is long past the glory days of the Neidermayer twins, a bearded institution in the NHL. Teemu Selanne can grow it decent, as can Ryan Getzlaf – it must have one day migrated from his head – but for the most part there’s not a lot to get excited about with this team.
Winner: Dallas
