Do you ever get the feeling that there’s something inside of you… and that it’s evil? Well, if you didn’t just finish eating a bunch of tacos from Jack in the Box, you can probably bet that you’ve been possessed by a demon that is going to use your body as a conduit for something terrible.
So, in honor of Devil’s Due (out on DVD 4/29), we’d like to give you a list of tips to help you figure out whether or not you’ve got a demon controlling your body so you can get it out. If you’re not into that type of thing.
Top 10 Ways to Know if You've Been Possessed
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Your Projectile Vomit is Green
We’ve all been in situations where we happen to emit a vomit with so much force that it sprays across the room. That’s no big deal. Hell, it’s a regular Saturday night for most college students. But when that vomit’s color starts turning an unnatural glowing green? Even if it’s not a demon inside you, it’s probably time to visit some sort of doctor.
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Your Head Can Spin Completely Around
Are you an owl? No? Then your head shouldn’t be able to spin a full 360˚. Well, unless you’ve got a crazy demon living inside of you. In that case, yeah, your head can probably do that.
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You Can Speak Latin... Without Ever Learning Latin
Why do demons speak Latin anyway? It’s an archaic language that nobody can understand except for those people who were lame enough to take Latin in high school instead of a useful language. Regardless, if you find yourself angrily spouting off in some unknown, archaic tongue, it’s probably Latin and you probably need to call an exorcist.
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You Black Out for Long Periods of Time
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons that you might black out. Alcohol, sleep deprivation and mental illness are a few causes that come to mind. But, if this does happen to you, the question you have to ask yourself is, when I wake up, am I covered in blood? If so, you got a demon up inside of you… Or you’re a werewolf. Either way, sucks to be you.
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You Can Crawl Up Walls
Yes, I realize that Spiderman can also climb up walls and he’s not possessed (or at least that’s not the reason that he can climb up walls), but there has to be an exception to every rule and he’s it. So, if you’re not Spiderman (and you’re not), and you can climb up walls, then you are possessed.
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Cuts Spontaneously Appear on Your Palms
I’m not really sure why demons would simulate the wounds of Christ when they take over your body (pretty sure that they’re not super into that guy), but they do. If it looks like your hands just got run through with a stick used for roasting marshmallows, you might want to head to church.
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Sometimes You Just Randomly Start Floating
There’s got to be a joke about getting high buried in here somewhere…
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People Saying the Rosary Makes You Really, Really Angry
Let me be frank; I’m not a huge fan of people waving beads at me while they pray. But the difference between me and somebody with a demon lodged inside of them is that it doesn’t cause me physical pain and incite me into a murderous rage.
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Holy Water Burns Your Skin
This is a pretty simple test. Keep a spray bottle of holy water with you at all times. If you ever think a demon wiggled its way into you, just give yourself a quick spray!
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Sometimes Your Voice Gets Eerily Low and Threatening
Mind you, this can also happen when you smoke a pack a day for a few years…
