Vengeance is something that, at some time or other, we’ve all been after. Some jerk parks in your spot or he steals your fiancée at your wedding… There are a million reasons why you would want to kick somebody’s ass — and they’re all absolutely reasonable.
But what’s the best way to get your sweet, sweet revenge? Fighting, of course!
And in honor of Oldboy’s upcoming DVD release (coming Mar. 4), we’d like to share our favorite martial arts styles for taking revenge. Get to training!
Best Fighting Styles for Taking Revenge
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1. Muay Thai
You know that old children’s song that goes, “Head, shoulders knees and toes… KNEES AND TOES!” Well, Muay Thai is a martial art that is a lot like that song, but it goes, “I’ll crush your head and sternum with my elbows and knees… ELBOWS AND KNEES!” In other words, it’s pretty good for demolishing dudes.
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2. Kendo
Japanese history is full of revenge stories. So it should come as no surprise that their sword-fighting martial art is pretty great for a vengeance spree. The only problem is that Kendo uses a stick instead of a sword to beat the living hell out of someone. But maybe that’s how you like your revenge, slow and brutal.
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3. Brazilian Jiu-jitsu
We bet you that, if Anderson Silva’s leg ever heals properly, he’s going to take some revenge on Chris Weidman with a nasty triangle choke. And if it’s good enough for Anderson Silva’s revenge, it’s good enough for yours.
Photo by Daniel Vorley/LatinContent/Getty Images
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4. Card Throwing
Don’t think that card throwing is a martial art? Ricky Jay and Gambit say, “hello.”
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5. Capoeira
The second Brazilian martial art on this list is by far the more ridiculous one. Capoeira is also known as “sexy dance fighting” and it will allow you to humiliate your opponent while you kick them in the face. Revenge achieved.
Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images
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6. Fencing
Ever read Shakespeare? Every goddamn story is about somebody taking revenge at the tip of a saber. He wouldn’t write something if it weren’t true, right?
Photo by Getty Images/Getty Images for Beazley
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7. Greco-Roman Wrestling
Greco-Roman wrestling will get you as close as possible to your opponent. You’ll be able to rub all up on him or her. Sweat. Friction. Revenge? Sure, why not. And the biggest bonus is that you’ll get to throw a power bomb in there too! Power bombs are in real wrestling, right?
Photo by Alfredo Herms/LatinContent/Getty Images
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8. Bojutsu
Do you have sweet bo staff skills? Then bojutsu should be your method of revenge. Swipe, flick and swing your bo stick straight to the face of that guy who wronged you and all of your problems will just melt away.
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9. Eskrima
The Philippines are a pretty rough place and, because of that, they have developed some very effective martial arts. Eskrima (or Kali) is a fighting system that employs knives or sticks to smack down your opponent quickly and efficiently. Efficiency is the key to perpetrating some awesome revenge, so we figured that Eskrima would be a good fit for this list.
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10. Jeet Kune Do
Jeet Kune Do is a martial arts system that was developed by Bruce Lee. You know, the Dragon? He used it to beat up Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Kareem Abdul-Jabar. Pretty sure that it can handle the likes of your neighbor.
Photo by Archive Photos/Getty Images
