There’s a moment in all of our lives that we wish hadn’t happened. Often, this is because we didn’t realize that the person we were insulting, fighting or trying to sleep with was a police officer. Not our finest moments, but, hey, who’s perfect?
So, in honor of the upcoming release of 2 Guns on Blu-ray and DVD (hitting store shelves in Australia Feb. 13), we’ve developed a few tests that should save you some serious embarrassment. Enjoy our top 10 ways to figure out if somebody is a cop!
Top 10 Ways to Figure Out if Somebody is a Cop
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1. Carries a Gun
No guarantee on this one because plenty of people carry guns. But, more often than not, if somebody isn’t afraid to show off their piece, they probably have a badge… And if not, you should be really worried.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)
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2. Refuses to Do Drugs
Cops don’t do drugs. It’s pretty common knowledge and could come in handy if you’re ever in a tricky situation. When you absolutely, positively must know if somebody is a cop, offer them some drugs. If they refuse, you most likely have a cop on your hands. Or maybe just a buzzkill.
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3. Drives a Car that Has a Siren In It
This one isn’t too tough. Next time you ride in their car just start flipping switches. If one of them turns on some sort of loud, blaring siren, then you’re probably sitting next to a peace officer.
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4. Frequents Donut Shops
Does the person in question like donuts? Sure. We all like donuts! That’s not even a question. What you need to find out is whether or not he’s a regular at any donut shops. Do the people who work there know him by name? Do they refer to him as “officer”? These are the questions that you should be asking.
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5. Knows the Miranda Warning From Memory
To test this, simply turn on an episode of Law and Order or CSI. When somebody on the show starts to recite the Miranda warning (“you have the right to remain silent…”) nonchalantly ask them if they know the entire thing. If so, they’re either a cop or an avid police procedural fan.
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6. Wearing a Wire
Oh, the “wire test.” It’s easy, but can be overlooked. All you have to do is challenge the guy to an ab flex-off. As with most guys, he’ll immediately agree (who doesn’t want to show off their abs?!) and tear off his shirt. If he has a microphone taped to his chest, you can consider yourself pretty sure that he’s a cop.
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7. Describes Fights as “Altercations”
Cops have their own set of fancy lingo. The next time that you pick a fight with a bouncer at your favorite bar and they describe it to your friends as an “altercation,” it’s time to start questioning whether or not they have a badge.
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8. Overdeveloped Sense of Authority
This one can apply to more than just policemen, but it’ll still come in handy. Just ask them whether or not they think everybody should get one “do-over” before getting arrested for public drunkenness. Police officers will give a resounding, “no.”
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9. Always Speeding, but Never Worries About Getting Pulled Over
Are you frightened by their seemingly crazed penchant for driving like a maniac? Do you often shout “cop car!” in an attempt to scare them into slowing down, but with no results? Yeah, definitely a cop.
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10. When You Ask Them if They’re a Cop, They Say, “Affirmative”
This is probably the first test you should try because if it works, you’ll save yourself a lot of time. We’re pretty sure that a policeman can’t lie to you about this particular subject, but even if they do, at least you tried!
