Whitney Houston once sang “I believe the children are our future”, which come to think of it, isn’t so much a belief as an acceptance of the inevitable. Of course children are our future. They’re younger than we are, so unless we somehow develop the resiliency of a cockroach within the coming years, they’ll all be here when we’re buried six feet under. That’s how time works, Whitney.
Anyway, as children ARE our future, I thought that it would be a good idea to ask two children who I pulled in off the street* to review the year 2013, and give me their opinions on a few of the major news stories. Here are the candid thoughts of 10-year-old Marco and 7-year-old Carly.
*I’m actually related to them, so you can stop ringing the emergency services now.
Kids Review the Year 2013
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On which is better, the Xbox One or PS4...
CARLY: Xbox, because it does what you tell it to do.
MARCO: Well the Xbox One is a chunkier console. I’d rather have the Xbox One as it’s sturdier and thicker than the PS4. It has more games, too, and Netflix. I’d rather have the Xbox One because it’s gooder. It also has voice control and can see you.
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On the NSA leaks...
MARCO: If you were saying things that you wouldn’t want anyone else to hear, like… (pauses) well I can’t tell you because I don’t want anyone else to hear. But let’s pretend that I didn’t like ice cream, because it gave me diarrhoea, I wouldn’t want them hearing that, because it’s creepy. They wouldn’t want you spying on their secret conversation about what the next war’s gonna be. I wouldn’t get rid of my iPod Touch [if they were using it to spy on me], though, because I’m absolutely in love with it.
CARLY: I don’t know.
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On Miley Cyrus...
MARCO: She’s a bit stupid. I don’t like her because she runs around the stage half-naked and doesn’t do anything. Lady Gaga can run around the stage half-naked because she’s a good singer, and Miley Cyrus isn’t. She’s rubbish. Hannah Montana was hot though.
CARLY: I don't know who he or she is.
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On Andy Murray winning Wimbledon...
MARCO: I don’t think he deserved it. It was more of a fluke, really. He’s not the most experienced tennis player in the world, and there are many out there who would’ve deserved to win it more, who put more effort into it. He wasn’t putting effort into it, he was just fluking it. That Djokovic guy, he deserved it but he didn’t win it. I think Murray’s boring. He sticks to the basic stuff of tennis. He’s got no secret moves. If I was a tennis player my secret move would be to hit it up and down again. Murray doesn’t have any amazing moves.
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On the top-trending video of 2013, Ylvis' 'The Fox'...
CARLY: (Sings) “What does the fox say?!”
MARCO: I’ve got it on my iPod now and all my friends listen to it. It’s one of the best songs ever made, apart from the song that I made up. The lyrics are “I like potatoes, they’re so tasty, especially with ketchup! Potatoes are nice, they’re so tasty, especially with ketchup!”
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On the new Pope...
MARCO: It’s that old guy, isn’t it? Pope Francis. He’s a religious, sort of sacred person. I don’t believe in God personally, so I don’t think he’s a big thing, but other people do. He does the whole holy water “splash, splash” thing. He does prayers.
CARLY: I have no idea who it is.
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On which film should win Best Picture at the Oscars 2014...
MARCO: Man of Steel. It was a very good movie with a very good story. It’s the best movie I’ve seen because it was very complicated, but it made you work out was happening. It never gave away what was gonna happen next. It was a surprising story.
CARLY: Frozen.
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On Nelson Mandela...
MARCO: He was a saint, really. He was sent to jail for fighting for black people’s rights. Or Native Americans. Or black Native Americans. I don’t know.
CARLY: He died.
