Episode Title: “The Replacements”
Writers: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, James Wong
Director: Alfonso Gomez-Rejon
Previously on “American Horror Story”:
“This coven doesn’t need a new supreme. It needs a new rug” – Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange)
Finally we are getting to some classic “American Horror Story” stuff- the “baby gravy.” The stuff that makes you so uncomfortable all you can do is squirm in your seat and hope for the best. Stuff that will make you actively excited for the next episode instead of just watching to give it one more chance. “The Replacements” starts off as the previous two did… kind of slowly. But the difference here is that this crazy train switches gears quickly and goes full speed ahead.
We’ve got story threads all over the place here, and each one goes somewhere progressively more interesting… except for Cordelia’s quest to get pregnant. Being told by a doctor that she can absolutely not conceive drives her to visit Marie Laveau in search of a magical baby potion. The one amusing thing to come out of this is Laveau viciously laughing at Cordelia’s ridiculous request, seeing as how the two are enemies by blood. Honestly, this whole baby thing has been boring from the start, with the exception of the bizarre sex scene in “Boy Parts.” Outside of that small bit of titillation, we’re mostly left wondering what the point is to all this. Sure, it’s only the third episode, and maybe it’s all going somewhere good. But for now we’re just going to have to have faith that “AHS” will manage to surprise us all with some beautifully bizarre endgame for this pregnancy storyline- the show has been known to do that, after all.
Now that Madame Delphine has been exhumed, “AHS” has to figure out what to do with her. For the moment she seems content to be a racist ass, and in the words of Fiona, “There’s nothing I hate more than a racist.” Again, this element isn’t really hitting a nerve of greatness, but Fiona makes things a bit more interesting by making Madame Delphine Queenie’s personal slave. Now the two can really bond. But before that, Queenie gets to bonding with Delphine’s minotaurified house boy, who arrives to terrorize Delphine, but instead ends up privy to Queenie giving him a peep show when she leads the bull-headed man off to a secluded area so she can masturbate in front of him…in an effort to seduce him? This came out of nowhere, is a little confusing, and so peculiar. As a ploy to shock and provoke, this hit its mark, but as a storytelling element this misses big-time.
Speaking of shocking, I have never felt more shockingly uncomfortable watching a television show than I did when Kyle reunited with his mother. Zoe tries to cleanse her guilt-ridden soul by returning zombified Frankenstein Kyle (who can’t communicate verbally) to his heart broken mother. She keeps trying to go good deeds, which makes me like her a bit, but they always end up backfiring, which makes me feel sorry for the poor dumb lass. Maybe she needs to stop trying to do good deeds. Kyle would probably agree if he wasn’t busy groaning and thrashing around like the brain-dead revenant he is.
First, Kyle’s mom walks in on him in the shower, which is a bit strange. Then she starts talking about how she knows his body and that this is not his body. Getting weirder. Then kisses him on the lips. Eww, but some families do that… although not to the extent she takes it when she starts making out with him hardcore. That’s officially pretty damn icky. And then she slides her hand downtown to send him to pleasure town. Ewww, ewww, ewww, oh my juicy Jesus! Kyle just looks away and starts to cry. Ahhh, making the uncomfortable feelings so much worse! Good job Zoe, way to return your boyfriend to his molesting mother. “AHS” has a long history of crazy crap like this, but the parental handjob scene definitely had me squirming like I had ants in my pants. Later, Molester Mommy twerks it on Kyle one too many times, so he flips out, grabs a trophy, and beats her head in. Good riddance, Molester Mommy.
Now for the main course of the episode: the battle between old and young. Previously, we’ve seen Fiona getting older and weaker as she searches for eternal youth, and now we know why. We are given insight as to how a new supreme rises to the part- she sucks the power and life out of the old one. So far, all signs point to Madison, which had me giggling with anticipation at the thought of this snotty, damaged actress ending up with so much powers. Madison’s mutant… I mean Supreme Witch powers begin manifesting themselves, so Fiona offers her help. Immediately you get the idea that Fiona’s intention to take Madison under her wing isn’t entirely altruistic. Lange does a marvelous job with those nuanced facial expressions that let’s the audience know she’s up to something, making us all nervous the entire time Fiona and Madison are hanging out. And when Fiona reveals she has cancer and wants Madison to kill her to complete her transformation into the new supreme, you actually believe she’s being genuine… until she slits Madison’s throat and shoots the butler an oh-so-very cruel smile. Oooh, that’s interesting!
Is this truly the end of Madison? Was she actually the next supreme because we’ve still got Misty hanging around in the woods (after being burned at the stake may I remind you) listening to Fleetwood Mac. Who knows? But here are a few things I do know: I hope to hear more of Fleetwood Mac in the upcoming episodes, I loved the ending of this episode, and though these first few episodes have suffered from some bouts of slowness, they’ve also brought the craziness in droves, and had a few genuinely good story elements (mostly involving Jessica Lange), so I’m looking forward to see where this is headed.
