Like Star Wars VII, Ghostbusters III, Evil Dead IV, and Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League, Steven Spielberg’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was, before it was made, one of those mainstream genre sequels that everyone demanded to see. Ever since 1989’s well-received Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, fans of the Indiana Jones film series continuously speculated about whether or not Spielberg and George Lucas would reunite to make a fourth (and presumably final) feature film to star the famous character. Will they do it? How should they do it? How does one make an Indiana Jones film after he has already found, literally, The Holy Grail? Fans posited, debated, argued, and constantly pleaded for another one.
Then it was made in 2008, and everyone stamped their feet, openly complaining that it had been done incorrectly. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was, since its opening day, pretty openly reviled by fans the world over, leading to shame and embarrassment in many cases, and outright denial in others; I know some people who still insist doggedly that there have been only three films in the Indiana Jones series. Implications that there was a fourth will elicit a punch in the throat.
But this is CraveOnline’s Trolling, and we’ll not stand for popular opinion around these parts. We are the voice of dissent, and live (under our bridge) to counter all of your arguments. I will stand up, chest puffed up and head held high, to declare that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull rules. There are actually many good things about the movie that are often forgotten, and fine things about it that are too often dissed. I run to its defense.
Raiders of the Lost Ark is still one of the best adventure films of all time, and the following Indiana Jones movies are all fine. Including Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Until next week, let the hate mail flow.
Witney Seibold is a featured contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can read his weekly articles Trolling, Free Film School and The Series Project, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Rules!
-
Indiana Jones is Still Indiana Jones
Despite whatever complaints you may have about the film’s story or its more outlandish action sequences, you have to admit that Spielberg and Harrison Ford know this character inside and out. Over the course of four movies, the two men have created an indelible pop culture superman to rival the machismo and heroic capabilities of someone like James Bond or Captain Kirk. He is appealing and invincible and wonderful and everyone loves him. Harrison Ford may have been in his mid-60s when he made Crystal Skull, and he may not be as capable of climbing around on the exteriors of speeding trucks while taking bullets as he once was, but the attitude of the character has not changed. And seeing the purity of such a beloved character remain unchanged is great.
-
Spielberg Still Knows His Stuff
The Indiana Jones movies are all homages (and perhaps even subtle spoofs) of the low-budget adventure serials Spielberg enjoyed as a boy. More than any other filmmaker, Spielberg knows how to handle bold, mainstream adventure with a light tone and an exhilarating spirit. Crystal Skull, thanks to Spielberg’s know-how and experience with the series (and also to his use of the rollicking John Williams score) still feels and tastes like a real-life Indiana Jones movie. The tone is most certainly not to be faulted. Indeed, the overall tone – jokey, adventurous, a little outrageous, and wholly exciting – is the single element this film got perfectly.
-
It Brings Indiana Jones into a New Age
I was talking to a friend recently who was bemoaning the fact that Nazis have become less a group of historical warmongers, and more lazy filmmaking shorthand. Indeed, it seems that more actors have played Nazis at this point than there were actual Nazis. In the first and third Indiana Jones film, Indy faced off against Nazis (he even met Adolf Hitler in the third!). Enough. We have to posit, then, that Indy – provided he survived his various adventures – would eventually live into the 1950s. He would see the end of WWII, and have to face off against the Red Scare, contend with the rise of Communism, and contemplate the nuclear age. Indiana Jones, as Crystal Skull proves, doesn’t need to live in the 1940s to be relevant. There are adventures to be had with Russia, with nuclear weapons, and with Communists. Crystal Skull proved that Indy could be timeless. Which, thanks to his bold pulp origins, seems appropriate; shouldn’t old-fashioned adventures be timeless?
-
Shia LeBeouf is Good
Why does Shia LeBeouf get such a bum rap? He is a young intense, and very natural actor who seems comfortable with almost all of his roles. True, he is associated with Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, often considered awful by critics, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad actor. As Mutt, a Wild One-style greaser, LeBeouf is almost perfect as a loose cannon JD who requires guidance. He’s bright, but would much rather lash out. But at the same time, he doesn’t come across as broody or dull. He’s quick, capable, and funny. It was implied in the film’s epilogue that Mutt may take up the Indy mantle, and headline his own movies in the future. Am I the only one who wants to see a Mutt film? A young 1950s greaser learning to trek across the globe and look for rare artifacts in deep caves? That sounds cool to me.
-
The Father/Son Relationship is Good
It’s not much of a plot secret that Mutt is actually Indiana Jones’ illegitimate son. Indy finds this out before Mutt does, and begins doting on him, and making sure (or at least convincing himself) that Mutt’s a good kid. Indiana Jones has always been a teacher and an authority figure who seems like a capable leader. That Mutt is a loose cannon type who is desperately in need of a father figure – a position that Indy finds himself fulfilling – gives the movie an important thematic edge.
-
The Crystal Skull Thing is Real
The first Indy film was about a Jewish artifact. The second was about a Hindu artifact. The third was about a Christian artifact. Even though they’re rollicking (and sometimes racist) adventure films, there has always been a mystical and outright religious theme running through these movies. So where does an alien skull fit into this? Would you be surprised to learn that it is also a religious artifact? Yes, it turns out that crystal skulls were sacred artifacts amongst certain jungle-bound Amazonian tribes, and tales of their magic are well-documented in certain archeological journals. Crystal skulls may not be as well-known as the Holy Grail, but this is not some made-up piece of weird space-related exposition. It has also been posited in some fringe publications that aliens were involved in pyramid building. This is all cool, eerie stuff, and actually is right at home in an Indy adventure.
-
Is It Really So Strange?
Indeed, I’d like to counter the argument that sci-fi is wrong in an Indiana Jones movie. Why is this so out of place? In the previous films, Indy has survived all kinds of weird stuff, from skeleton attacks, to mind-control poison, to plane crashes, to the power of God. The objects he has been after have always held an air of magic about them, and they typically allowed the possessor some kind of magical kill powers. You're okay with magical burning stones, killer angels, and random Egyptian zombies, but not with psychic crystal skulls and interdimensional aliens?
-
Irina Spalko is an Interesting Villain
The villainess of Crystal Skull is a minxy Russian psychic in a Louise Brooks hairdo named Irina Spalko, played by Cate Blanchett. Here is why she is interesting: Her motives actually seem very noble. Sure, she's power-mad, and seeks to possess more knowledge than her brain is capable of handling (literally; her brain catches on fire when the psychic aliens show her the truth), but she seeks the titular skull not necessarily for world domination. From what I can tell, she lives by the Soviet code of absolute equality. She wishes to use the skull to expand people's minds, which she tries to do with Indy. Yes, she murders hundreds of jungle natives that we never get to know. But Indy has murdered dozens of people in the past, and he's seen as a hero. If looked at in the right light, Irina Spalko is the most heroic and most intelligent character in the film.
-
The Love Story is Mercifully Appropriate
In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indy had an affair with a secret Nazi doctor named Elsa Schneider, played by the comely Alison Doody. Doody is 24 years Ford's junior. True, Indy is seen as a dash charming fellow, but the romance with a much younger woman seemed a little too, I dunno, male-fantasy-ish. True, Karen Allen is nine years younger than Ford, but it was established that Indy and Marion Ravenwood had a romance when she was young, made up several years later, and eventually reunited to find they were in love and had a child. Does this love story have the same prurient appeal of James Bond? No. Does it feel kind of right for a 63-year-old Indiana Jones? Yes it does. Can you imagine if Indy had an affair with someone like, say, Amber Heard?
-
Shut Up About the Fridge
Yes, Indiana Jones survives a nuclear blast by hiding in a lead-lined refrigerator, that is thrown hundreds of feet through the air, only to have our hero emerge unscathed. This moment is so loathed by movie fans that the phrase “nuking the fridge” has become a more contemporary equivalent of “jumping the shark.” I want to say: shut up about the fridge already. This stunt is no less weird or implausible than Indy being dragged behind a truck without being reduced to salsa, jumping out of a plane in an inflatable raft, or somehow leaping out of a tank as it's falling over a cliff. The guy keeps the same dang hat for 27 years, and the fridge bugs you?
