Son of Bambi Meets Godzilla
Director: Eric Fernandes
Release Date: Sometime in 1999
Monster: Son of Bambi
Description: Small timid fawn with access to weapons
Origin: Unknown
Destruction: Son of Bambi lives
I’m not sure if this film counts as canon, as it stars a new version of Bambi’s son (a different one than was seen in Bambi II), and it also features the Godzilla as seen in Roland Emmerich’s infamous 1998 American version of things, which is clearly not in the same continuity as any of the other Godzilla films, and very clearly features a different monster. In this film, running about 104 seconds, the new Godzilla tries to stomp on Bambi’s Son, only to miss several times. Bambi’s son then deploys a rocket, killing Godzilla.
Son of Bambi Meets Godzilla played at certain animation festivals (I first saw it in 2000 at a Spike & Mike’s Sick And Twisted Festival of Animation), and was clearly intended just for fans of the original. It was accomplished using CGI that is only slightly less cheap-looking than the 1969 original’s cel animation.
Son of Bambi Meets Godzilla does little to advance my notions that surprise is not necessarily important to comedy – the joke is as predictable, but not nearly as funny as the original – but it does go a long way to support the furthering notions of pop culture interconnectivity. We are fast approaching an era wherein all films, all TV shows, all books, all fictions, and even some real people, will all exist within the same timeline. Bambi Meets Godzilla was the start of it, Son of Bambi Meets Godzilla was the continuation, and we have yet to see the end. My guess is that current notions of autonomous canons will eventually vanish. Soon all the walls will break down. All of the major film studios will begin to overlap (and they co-finance one another’s pictures so often, it’s already kind of happening), and every single movie will start to co-exist. There will not be myriad stories, but only one massive fictional parallel dimension wherein any and all pop culture figures, literary figures, and fictional beings will constantly be interacting. Ulysses will meet Bucky O’Hare. Raskolnikov will discuss justice with the Martian Manhunter. The girls from “Little House on the Prairie” will butt heads with The Jigsaw Killer. James Bond will give a backrub to Spartacus while trading Green Lantern trivia with Ash Ketcham and a Dalek. Dr. Frank-N-Furter will have group sex with Divine, Inigo Montoya, David Bowie, the MGM lion, and the chicks from Ghost World (both the movie and the comics). In the future, I predict that we will no longer have thousands of movies to choose from, but one gigantic massive feature film, striding theaters and TVs and smartphones like a mighty colossus. It will start in the year 2050, and it will never ever end. It might be rebooted from time to time, but it will be the same film regardless. Ironically, the old version of the film will also be in continuity with the reboot.
So if you loved anything at all as a kid, it will be in MOVIE. Every version of every character will be filmed, and they’ll all fight. The Infinity Gauntlet? Y’know that rumored film that will bring together all the Marvel movie characters into a single film to fight a near-omnipotent Thanos? That’s the first letter of the first sentence of MOVIE‘s prologue in terms of its scope. MOVIE will literally end all movies, because it will never end.
And it won’t stop at movie characters, literary characters, or TV characters. Even product mascots will be included. Cap’n Crunch will be given a high-octane backstory, about how he once took part in the murder of Little Caesar. Speedy will have to go through a dramatic trauma to learn to be the Alka-Seltzer mascot, and he’ll have to tragically reject his best friend Slim Jim Man. Then, once we’ve incorporated Twinkie the Kid and Mayor McCheese and all the rest, Hollywood will somehow copyright the doodles you idly made in the margins of your notes in the 4th grade, and anything that anyone invents anywhere will also be incorporated. MOVIE will be made digitally, and the filmmaking will be dome entirely in a computer. After enough time passes, the making of MOVIE will be entrusted to godlike artificial intelligence that will continue to dissect and examine everything it knows from popular culture and from our minds. Eventually, humankind will begin to wither and shrink while MOVIE only becomes more and more grand and amazing. MOVIE will seep out into the universe, and it will be all that’s left of us. MOVIE will begin to absorb other civilizations, and it will roll on and on. MOVIE will eventually be a universe unto itself. Only then will it end. And Harry Potter will have learned a valuable lesson.
I’m sorry. I digress. Back to Godzilla. There were four Godzilla TV shows as well…
