The Big List: 3 Girls Missing For 10 Years Rescued!

May 14, 2013

Time to get a genie, try to win the heart of a princess with magic, fail a couple times, take her on a romantic carpet ride, attempt to go too fast, die a horrible death, wake up in the afterlife where – after a long time – they finally get the internet, so you can check out these links!

Victims Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight Finally Escape After Years In Captivity – Meet Their Rescuer Charles Ramsey

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2320519/Amanda-Berry-Gina-DeJesus-Michele-Knight-Ohio-trio-went-missing-TEN-YEARS-ago-ALIVE.html

I guess you can never trust someone you listen to salsa music with.

“Gays Beware!” With George Takei

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/george-takei-psa-how-to-treat-anti-gay-marriage_n_3223073.html

Join the bow tie party, guy!

Rave Kids In The ‘90s Vs. Rave Kids Today

http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today

Suddenly, those glow sticks and backrubs seem so quaint.

The Scientifically Accurate Magic Carpet

http://cheezburger.com/7415091968

I can show you the wwwaaaaaaaahhhh—

My Virginity Mistake

http://www.salon.com/2013/05/06/my_virginity_mistake/

‘Til sex do us part.

That’s all for this stark raving edition of The Big List.

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!

Comedy Channel Contributor

Geoffrey Golden is a writer AND a fighter from West Hollywood, CA. He's the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, "The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans," sold in bookstores across the country. Geoffrey has also written for a bunch of magically glamorous Hollywood movie studios and websites, including Fox, Warner Bros, CraveOnline, Cracked, Comedy.com, National Lampoon and Lionsgate. As for his fighting experience, Geoffrey has faced off for both the Marvel and Capcom teams, but thinks Ryu and Wolverine should bury the hatchet already.