I had the dubious honor of watching The Avengers (or MARVEL’s The Avengers in the U.K.) this past weeked. I spent $16.75 to have 3-D glasses placed on my face in an IMAX theatre just so Joss Whedon could take off his glove and whole palm slap me across the face.
If you don’t share my righteous indignation reader, then you will, after you read about what was WRONG with The Avengers “film”.
1. Where was Captain America’s energy shield?
2. Hulk didn’t get mad enough, I’ve totally seen him madder.
3. Why would the good guys fight each other? Stupid plot device Whedon!
4. They are Skrulls, not the Shitar- whatever you said they were.
5. Why was Bruce Banner able to travel internationally? Global incident waiting to happen there S.H.I.E.L.D.
6. Black Widow showed too much ass.
7. Black Widow didn’t show enough ass.
8. S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms are a heather blue-grey, not a dark royal navy. Idiots.
9. Maria Hill has shorter hair.
10. Nick Fury is black?!
11. The Mysterious Council needed more explanation.
12. Iron Man didn’t bone Black Widow.
13. Captain America didn’t bone Iron Man.
“Put on the suit.”
14. Pepper Potts needs her own movie: “Iron Potts”
15. Why wasn’t the World War Hulk storyline integrated into Loki’s plot? Missed opportunity!
16. Green Arrow is green, not purple. Any why’d you change his name to “Hawkeye”?
17. Where were Abomination, Whiplash, Red Skull, and my original character, The Anti-Avenger?
18. Movie needed another hour. At least.
19. Batman could beat up Thor.
20. Not enough popcorn in the Xtra large tub at AMC. Stub card be damned!
21. Not enough fight scenes.
22. The dialogue wasn’t memorable or clever.
23. I didn’t understand WHAT they were Avenging.
24. Why is New York always under attack, huh? Why not L.A. sometimes, Leftist, teacher’s union protecting Hollywood Big Wigs? WHEDON?!
25. Loki’s hair far too greasy for a Norse God.
Clean it up.
26. Too much science in the science scenes with Stark and Banner.
27. Too many loud kids in the theatre. Kids ruin these superhero movies for the rest of us.
28. Wolverine and the X-Men were no where to be found. Fail.
29. Captain America can’t get tired, so why was he breathing so much?!
30. It wasn’t the Justice League. OH SNAP.
You can thank me later @cravesam
Thor/Batman image originally from comicbookmovie.com
