In the first part of our series on the Worst Halloween Costumes Ever Sold, we looked at fake costume ideas that’d be awful if they were real. In this part, I’ll look at real awful costumes – ones that websites actually charge honest people real money for. If you want to be a complete asshole for Halloween, look these up on Google. Incidentally, a “Complete Asshole” costume would be better than all of these…
Hung Like A Horse
And so we begin.
Christmas Tree
Best case scenario: the wearer has a lame grasp of irony. Worst case scenario: the wearer sucks at holidays.
Fake Booty
Y’know something… this is gonna sound crazy, but… I don’t think those boobs or butt are real!
Travelocity Gnome
They were out of Jared from Subway costumes, so…
Screwdriver
This costume is very suggestive. It suggests that ladies should keep away from whoever’s wearing it.
M&M’s Blue Tank Dress
This does not count as a costume. If I go out for Halloween wearing a Snickers shirt, nobody’s gonna be like, “great Snickers costume, bro.” Not a costume. NEXT!
The Bun Maker
He “makes” buns? So he makes… women’s butts? Couldn’t this have just been a regular chef costume? Did it have to be a chef who can’t construct a proper sexual innuendo?
Mr. Monopoly
They made Mr. Monopoly look like a character from the Saw movies — finally!
Naughty Nemo
They’ve run out of things to make sexy. Halloween costume industry, I feel your pain.
Plug and Socket
The perfect costume for couples I hate.
Geoffrey Golden is the writer of the book Snarkicide, about a sad-sack horror fan who is blogged to death. Get it on Amazon for 99 cents… if you dare!
