Being a dad is a humiliating endeavor. Fatherhood makes dudes do things they never thought they would, whether that involves singing along to The Wiggles, playing dress-up, or making idle threats that begin with, “By the count of three…” And yet, even the massive amount of embarrassment inherent in fatherhood isn’t enough of a deterrent to stop guys from becoming dads.
But not all dads are created equal. Some are awful and abusive, some are aloof and ineffectual, some are completely absent altogether, and others are just plain cringey. If you find yourself among the cringey kind, well, it’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s better to make your kids groan than cry, right?
In honor of Father’s Day (June 19 this year for those who aren’t paying attention), we decided to break down the 10 cringey kinds of dads. Yes, we’re making fun of them, but in the same way that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we think teasing is the sincerest form of love.
Without further ado, let’s turn our attention to the wide variety of dads in the world, and have a little laugh at the unique and ridiculous types of fathers out there.
Cover Photo: Oliver Rossi (Getty Images)
Kinds of Dads
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Hipster Dad
This beanie-ed, bearded dad has all but done away with gender roles. He's totally down to take over the brunt of childcare while his baby mama works her ass off to support the family. He doesn't mind being the only dude at Mommy and Me, he lets his daughter put makeup on him, and he loves nothing more than popping a few edibles before heading out to the park.
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Jacked Dad
This dad doesn't wear a shirt in public if he can get away with it. Rather than get on the ground and play with his kids, he'll bark orders and grunt randomly at them.
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'I Used to Be in a Band' Dad
If the vintage band T-shirts don't give him away, the scraggly hair and laidback attitude will. Keep this one away from a microphone if you know what's good for you.
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Nerd Dad
This is the dad that takes forever to get through a museum because he has to stop at each and every plaque and read them to his kids as if he's going to quiz them at the end of the outing. (And for all we know, he will.)
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New-Age Dad
You can tell who's a new-age dad by his kids' names: Leaf, River, Clover, Juniper, Ash. He outfits each of them with their own special crystals to keep their chakras balanced.
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Marathon Dad
This dad is somehow always in his running gear even if he's not working out. He refuses to use anything but a jogging stroller to get the kids around. And if you make the mistake of asking him about his PR, he'll tell you the dirty details of every race he's ever run.
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Influencer Dad
This dad is "on" all the time, and appears to love his parenting duties way more than any dude should. But his enthusiasm is irritating rather than infectious. Let's be honest: He really only became a father because it was good for his brand.
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Documentarian Dad
He's the one you can't see around at the class recital because he has three different kinds of camera aimed at his kids.
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Criminal Record Dad
The neck tattoos were a dead giveaway. Whatever you do, don't leave him alone with your wallet.
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Sensitive Dad
This dad teaches his sons that it's not only OK to cry but that weeping is good for the soul. He knows all the faces on the feelings chart and creates flashcards of them for his kids. He's reading a book right now about emotional intelligence and would really like to share what he's learned with you.
