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If you didn’t realize it already because you’re busy living your life, Monday is Memorial Day. It’s the holiday where we remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice while fighting for our freedom. While we celebrate all the fallen heroes, many of us also mark the day as the unofficial start of summer (this is even though the actual start of summer isn’t until the end of June). It’s also the beginning of grilling season.
If you’re anything like us, this means you spend May through October standing behind a grill slowly turning all manner of grilled meats and veggies. We’re talking about steaks, sausages, burgers, hot dogs, grilled pineapple, artichokes, zucchini, and a whole lot more.
But while there are things we love to grill, there are also many things (mostly non-food items) that definitely don’t belong on a grill (especially on Memorial Day). Given how much alcohol one tends to consume while celebrating the kick-off of summer, you never know what you might throw on the grill by mistake. That’s why we thought the time was right to highlight some of the worst things you could possibly grill. Keep reading and take a few notes so you don’t set fire to one of these items when all you meant to do was cook a hot dog.
Things To Not Grill
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An old tire you found at the junkyard.
Not only is melted rubber not an appealing snack, that old tire you found at the junkyard is probably covered in spiderwebs and eggs. All in all, a pretty gross, terrible idea.
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A Croc filled with rice clam chowder.
We understand that if you found yourself with a cold Croc filled to the brim with New England-style clam chowder you might want to warm it up on your grill. We suggest you don’t unless you enjoy the smell of melted plastic and you aren’t very hungry for chowder.
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A bottle of reposado tequila.
Grills are meant for food. They certainly aren’t meant for a bottle of tequila (especially reposado). High temperatures and glass are not good playmates. This could end in disaster and then you’ll have a ton of injuries and no tequila buzz.
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A flip-flop covered in pure maple syrup.
While that pure maple syrup you picked up on a trip to Vermont might be delicious, it doesn’t belong on a flip-flop and the combination definitely won’t react well to being grilled.
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'Selected Works of Jack London'
We’re definitely against book banning, burning, and absolutely grilling. Don’t grill the Selected Works of Jack London. It’s not going to be appetizing and you’ll miss out on a lot of outdoorsy adventures.
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A stupid bucket hat.
Your best bet when it comes to an old bucket hat is to throw it in the garbage or burn it in a controlled fire to rid your home of that awful headwear. Definitely don’t try to grill it. That makes absolutely no sense.
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A novelty baseball helmet filled with ice cream.
We get the appeal of grilled desserts. It’s just that a novelty baseball helmet filled with strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla ice cream isn’t the best choice. Just eat it while you watch baseball instead.
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A bouquet of red roses.
We don’t know what would make you want to grill a bouquet of red roses. They already smell good and grilling them won’t help it. On top of that, you probably spent a lot of money for them. Why not just buy a strip steak instead?
