Do you love the movie Midnight Express? Have you ever wanted to take your summer vacation to the next level? Does the thought of riding a secret underground train fill you with the nostalgia of a bygone era? Boy, have we got the ultimate summer vacation for you! It involves an unforgettable trip to Mexico with the all-inclusive drug smuggling experience you’ve been waiting for.
You can now travel from sunny San Diego to the world-class eateries of Tijuana and back aboard a drug smuggling train located six stories underground. Your roundtrip coach ferries you and a friend through a cave of wonders built by the finest architects on the black market and is completely free of charge in exchange for some recreational drug smuggling that includes your very own custom-made “drug mule” merch.
For first-timers, a quick stop-off at a Sinaloa cartel welcome center is the perfect jumping-off point for your best vacation ever. Cartel greeters will provide you with a personal guide to instruct you on where to get the best food and when to pick up your giant box of cocaine. Just be careful not to eat too many tacos during your stay as the tunnel home is only four feet wide.
Cocaine-loving is optional but highly recommended to enhance the experience, which culminates in a welcome home party organized by friends at the DEA who’ll provide 1,762lb of cocaine, 165lb of meth, and 3.5lb of heroin as evidence of your amazing trip. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to see Trump’s border wall during your travels as this train passes directly under the historic landmark. However, you can now add drug smuggling to your holiday repertoire of kite surfing and puking on strangers. But hurry, this incredible offer is available for a limited time only.
Cover Photo: Alfredo Marcos Hidalgo Duran (Getty Images)
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