Judging from his face, Dr. Oz might be self-medicating. The former TV personality made headlines again during a debate in the Pennsylvania GOP Senate race that showed whatever prescription cocktail he’s taking needs a serious adjustment.
Squaring off against former hedgefund CEO Dave McCormick, the multi-millionaires traded jabs before McCormick landed a devastating combination with this zinger: “The problem, doctor, is there’s no miracle cure for flip-flopping. And Pennsylvanians are seeing right through your phoniness and that’s what you’re dealing with. And that’s why you’re not taking off in the polls.”
In the face of such overwhelming truth, Dr. Oz was feeling the heat. That, or the edibles just kicked in.
Dr. Oz can’t feel his face, bro. pic.twitter.com/OxSU4rvSQt
— •spooky•girl•cassiopeia•™ (@sadgirlcassi) April 28, 2022
His special brand of terrifying may have creeped everyone out on social media, but according to a recent poll, Dr. Oz is now leading the pack in Pennsylvania with 22 percent of the vote. This got us thinking: Maybe there is something to perfecting a cold, robotic, serial killer puppet’s frozen mask of pleasure as a stand-in for real emotion. Maybe Dr. Oz’s practiced facade, equal parts system malfunction, and minuscule orgasm is the perfect expression to slap on when your back’s against the wall.
So, we decided to master the good doctor’s mien and test it out in a slew of awkward situations. And we’re so glad we did. Several arrests later, not only did people stop honking at us, we’d pinpointed seven times the O-face is guaranteed to get you out of jail free. You’re welcome.
Cover Photo: Twitter
Dr. Oz Face
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At Work
When you've just got caught having sex with the cleaning lady on your desk during your surprise party.
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At the Park
When you push a child off the swings after stealing their popsicle and everyone at the park is shouting at you.
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In Transit
When you get pulled over for speeding and the cops find a huge bag of cocaine and two lemurs.
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At Home
When your in-laws walk in on you shaving your pubes while listening to Vanilla Ice's Greatest Hits.
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At Breaktime
When you shit your pants at Starbucks but stay in line because you really need some burnt-flavored coffee.
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In Relationships
When your girlfriend catches you flirting with the new mailman using the line "Go ahead, slip your envelope in my box. It's wide open. "
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At Lunchtime
When someone finds you eating a human adrenal gland and tweets about it. Oh, wait. No, it didn't work that time.
