If you don’t know who Nostradamus is don’t worry, he knows you. The famous Frenchman is the most renowned seer in history, allegedly predicting major world events far into the future through his book of mystic writings called Les Prophéties. And while this text has been notoriously hard to interpret for the past 450 years, a new deciphering of his famous quatrains (along with Putin’s violent invasion of Ukraine), is prompting experts to claim World War III is pulling into the driveway.
But before we shit our pants and scurry under the soiled boxes in the basement, let’s review the accuracy of this so-called soothsayer by analyzing his most famous prophecies. The first correct prediction happened in his own lifetime when buddy King Henry II was killed by a lance to the eye. (Ouch.) Then a few hundred years later, the Nazis used this eery quatrain to advertise taking over the world:
“From the depths of the West of Europe, A young child will be born of poor people, He who by his tongue will seduce a great troop; His fame will increase towards the realm of the East.”
Ok, so Nostradamus got WWII right. He also predicted the birth of AI, the colonization of Mars, and massive inflation in the year 2022. But did he make any mention of Nic Cage’s Jean-Paul Van Damme-style comeback? Or predict The Slap, the invention of Twitter, or the rise of mom jeans?
Strikeout, dude.
Turns out Nostradamus was a failed astrologist who believed history repeats itself, and he wrote some really clever poetry to that effect. But before we put too much stock in the Judd Apatow lookalike’s book of prophecies, let’s remember the Frenchman also wrote a lovely cookbook. And nobody gives two shits about his preparation of sweetmeats.
Cover Photo: ullstein bild (Getty Images)
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