If you really want to become the butt of all fart jokes, have we got a playbook for you. Brazilian singer Viviane de Queiroz Pereira, known by her stage name Pocah, just stumbled upon the ultimate punchline after she held in a pandemic’s-worth of farts.
Afraid of making rump music in front of her boyfriend, Pocah’s sphincter turned into the guy manning the velvet rope outside the VIP section of a nightclub. Before long, a crowd of farts grew, defying the occupancy limit inside her gasbag. Eventually, severe pains woke Pocah from her sleep and the singer rushed to the hospital where doctors determined she was suffering from, “an accumulation of trapped farts.”
While we have a whole buttload of questions about this tale (including Pocah’s access to a bathroom or quiet corner of the beach), at least our quandary over the importance of farts has been answered. Studies show normal adults should pass gas at least 14 times a day, lest their bowels become self-loathing pain mongers. So next time you get dirty looks from your fellow rideshare passengers after releasing the hellhounds below, just tell them it’s doctor’s orders.
Speaking of which, when doctors finally released Pocah’s angry mob of farts, we can only assume she let out a bottom burp reminiscent of 1,000 tubas playing full tilt from the top of a mountain. Hopefully, she bottled that big boy up and is selling it to a prominent fart collector for a fortune in Fartcoin. That’s what we call a real nest egg.
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Weird News 3.15.22
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