Cryptocurrency can affect people across all demographics. If you or a family member has lost someone to crypto, then you know all the warning signs. For everyone else, cryptocurrency can sneak up and claim your best friend seemingly overnight.
To protect yourself from contracting this digital malady and spreading it to others, keep this list of 10 warning signs in a safe and visible location within your home. And if you suspect you may be suffering from crypto, integrate outdoors and consult a banker immediately.
Cover Photo: Jasmin Merdan (Getty Images)
Crypto Friend Signs
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1. He Keeps Trying To Pay You Back In Something Called PirateCoin
He's adamant that if he gets you in on the ground floor, you should continue paying for his sandwiches.
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2. He's Constantly Yacht-Shopping
While standing on top of the couch yelling, "Bitcoin and Hoes!"
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3. He Cringes Every Time You Take Out Your Wallet To Pay
For your friend, real wallets cause nausea while digital wallets cause erections lasting longer than four hours.
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4. He Starts Wearing A 'Bitcoin Babe' T-Shirt
...And nothing else.
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5. He Only Accepts Messages Via Something Called 'Club Crypton '
And will only answer to the name "Lord Coin".
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6. His Twitter Avatar Is Elon Musk
Upon further reflection, you remember that his new cologne is called "Musk" and smells vaguely of bullshit.
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7. He's Pressuring You To Go Halfsies on RadioShack Cryptocurrency
Somehow, he keeps cornering you in the parking lot of Target with pamphlets.
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8. He Insists On Eating At The Only Hotdog Stand In Town That Accepts Bitcoin
You don't even like hotdogs. WTF?
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9. He Keeps Trying To Sell You NFT Farts
...Instead of the real farts he used to bottle in mason jars and charge $18 for in college.
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10. He Can't Hang Out Because He's Busy Setting Up His 'Mining Rig'
Time to start hanging out with the dude you met under the monkey bars in the park when you were drunk. Now there's a solid foundation you can build a lasting friendship on.
