Just when you think coronavirus has sung its swan song, it roars back to life, mutating and trying to kill everyone in its path. Recently, Dr. Anthony Fauci, once the most trusted source on Covid in the U.S., said that the Omicron variant was so prevalent that airlines should consider mandating vaccines for travelers.
The advice had barely left his lips when the CDC came out with new – and seemingly contradictory – guidelines stating that rather than a 10-day isolation period following a positive Covid test, those infected now only had to quarantine for five days if they are asymptomatic.
This mind-bogglingly bad advice was inspired not by science but by whiny capitalists, including the CEO of Delta Ed Bastian, who wrote a letter to Dr. Rochelle Walensky at the CDC suggesting the reduced isolation period of five days…so that his company had enough employees to get flights off the ground as scheduled.
Twitter users went ballistic over the CDC’s reckless new recommendations, but they did so hilariously. We may be headed towards the darkest days of this pandemic yet, but we’ll all go down laughing.
Cover Photo: ViewApart (Getty Images)
CDC recommends splitting up your quarantine over your two 15min breaks
— Zak Toscani (@zak_toscani) December 27, 2021
The CDC just announced you don’t actually have to wash your hands, just get the fingies a little wet
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) December 28, 2021
the CDC just announced you can fill a theme park with dinosaurs again if you really learned your lesson last time
— nate of the living dead (@MNateShyamalan) December 28, 2021
The data that supports the new @CDCgov 5 day isolation period without a negative test pic.twitter.com/eRIwgGFd01
— Eric Topol (@EricTopol) December 28, 2021
the cdc says eat shit and die
— eve6 (@Eve6) December 27, 2021
https://twitter.com/williamadler78/status/1476025493115875332?s=20
CDC said it’s only 5 days if you have a praying grandmother
— Paintin’ Manning (@DB_theGreat) December 29, 2021
CDC shortens isolation requirements to: "Whatever your boss needs."
— chris "@movingsideways.bsky.social" hauselt (@movingsideways) December 27, 2021
the cdc says that cats can have little a salami,, as a treat pic.twitter.com/49BAVUo7ho
— roslyn ?????? (@roslyntalusan) December 29, 2021
the cdc is just like uhhhh yeah it's totally up to you, I'm honestly down for whatever
— Allison O'Conor (@allisonoconor) December 27, 2021
the CDC is now recommending simply walking into Mordor
— Tea with Tolkien (@TeawithTolkien) December 29, 2021
CDC just said you only need to quarantine if you on a ventilator. But if ya ventilator got wheels and a battery pack you gotta take yo ass to work.
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) December 28, 2021
https://twitter.com/BerkmanOnlyfans/status/1475708196929085441?s=20
CDC says CDeez Nutz
— river buddy butcher ? (@rivbutcher) December 29, 2021
the cdc recommends that you should release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) December 28, 2021
“Y’all on ya own”
— The CDC
— Muhammad Alinked-in (@PBSImpulse9) December 27, 2021
The CDC stands for Can’t Disrupt Capitalism
— Abbas (@Abbas_Muntaqim) December 28, 2021
the cdc announced that you can now lose a guy in just 5 days
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) December 28, 2021
BREAKING: CDC doubles five-second rule for dropped food
— Leta McCollough Seletzky, JD ? (@LaSeletzky) December 28, 2021
“Fuck it. It’s whatever.”
—the CDC
— Michael Harriot (@michaelharriot) December 28, 2021
CDC confirms that if you can "huh?", you can hear
— you (@MissZindzi) December 29, 2021
