This day and age, if you want to get a woman’s attention, you better have a good opener. Yes, clever, unique pickup lines are essential if you want to even have a slim chance of getting a girl’s number, much less a date or anything else. So how do you go about approaching a total stranger? Twitter has some ideas, though you’ll have to be the judge of whether or not they’re any good.
The Psychopathic Edge, a strangely-named entity that dispenses dating advice via its “sexcalation system” recently asked the social media platform “How do you open?”
You’re shopping at your local food market, and you notice this young woman from behind.
How do you open? pic.twitter.com/THgotjPIui
— The Psychopathic Edge How to Approach Women (@PUA_DATING_TIPS) November 3, 2021
The scenario was thus: you encounter a hot girl at the grocery store in the chip aisle. She’s reaching toward the top shelf for the Doritos. What do you say to intrigue her? Well, users had a lot of thoughts…mostly hilariously pathetic one. Check ‘em out in this edition of Mandatory Tweets.
Cover Photo: Peter Dazeley (Getty Images)
“can I buy your used socks?”
— Igblf29 (@igblf29) November 3, 2021
You’re not into healthy eating, huh?
— night fire () (@nightfire0) November 3, 2021
Want to get Lays?
— ARMIN LE MAN (@arminleman) November 3, 2021
It must be your cheat day
— Sidney Evans | Audio Editor (@sidevansjr) November 3, 2021
Aiy Yo! Wanna make more humans?! pic.twitter.com/xU0houqukj
— aquaticsolstice (@the1ucidone) November 3, 2021
I approach her, foul wind and billowing cloaks trail me. I bellow “I am a man of conviction and tremendous power!” And proceed to bring down the entire chip rack forcing her to jump back and absolutely wrecking the isle.
— Jesse Intense (@Alesithymia) November 3, 2021
I was looking for a snack…you’ll do.
— Thoarne Jones (@ThoarneJones) November 4, 2021
“Hey can you lift me up so I can reach those doritos on the top shelf” and then I spread my arms and wait for her to pick me up.
— (@KrizFreako) November 4, 2021
say “let me get that for you” and climb up the shelves, pulling them down and injuring both of us
— michael the anchorite (@prologiscool) November 4, 2021
“Thats a pretty big bag of doritos, you gunna eat them all yourself?” I will be chewing cornchips myself while i say this, pieces of chewed corn chips will spray in her direction.
— URVF BOII (@grindFish) November 4, 2021
“Excuse me, what’s you name?”
“Oh it’s _________. Why do you ask?”
“Foolishness _________, foolishness.”
“Wha… pic.twitter.com/8KoNCj44Me— Arnahunas (@arnahunas) November 4, 2021
“I uh… you know… fuckin… uhh… you see I… hey uhh… you know I uh… uhhh… uhhhh… well you see uh…. I… did you… uh… I saw uhhh…. hey I uhh… did I uhh… my uhh… well you see I uhh… what I mean is uhh… hey where are you going?”
— Definitely Not Lord Pyro (@NotLordPyromon) November 4, 2021
“Excuse me miss, did you know Doritos is an American brand of flavored tortilla chips produced since 1964 by Frito-Lay, a wholly owned subsidiary of PepsiCo. The original Doritos were not flavored. The first flavor was Toasted Corn, released in 1966, followed by Taco in 19…”
— barry buttholes (@saustinboyd) November 4, 2021
“I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS STORE HAS SO MANY CHIPS ON ACCOUNT OF BIDEN CAUSING SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES YOU KNOW THESE CHIPS ARE GOING TO COST NINE DOLLARS THIS TIME NEXT YEAR.” Then I pull out my katana, ready for this to sexcalate.
— Data Disc (@128kbps4) November 4, 2021
You like doritos too? pic.twitter.com/VIVSK3VcDE
— Lorster (@lorster10) November 4, 2021
“Do you like Phil Collins? I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent.”
— Zack (@smallestears) November 4, 2021
You pinch both aides of the bag and pull. You can also use scissors if you’d like. I onow some people just slap both sides to pop it open too, but that has a high risk of either crushing the chips or making a big mess. Hope this helps.
— Mr. Lunche (@Lunchetime) November 4, 2021
