The coronavirus pandemic seems to have ebbed (for now). But no sooner did one existential threat leave us than another comes rearing its ugly head. According to Monsignor Stephen Rossetti, a Catholic priest based in Washington DC, demons are out to get us.
The good Father should know; he and his colleagues perform up to 20 exorcisms a week. “I think this is going to get much worse before it gets better,” he told the New York Post, adding that the demand for extreme spiritual purges has “grown exponentially” in the past decade.
How would you know there was a demon in your midst? Well, in his book Diary of an American Exorcist. Demons, Possession, and the Modern-Day Battle Against Ancient Evil, Rossetti describes doors banging, dogs howling, victims speaking foreign languages, electronics on the fritz, and people spitting out nuts and bolts. Literally. Oh, and watch out for your smart phone. Apparently, it’s now the demons’ preferred method of communication.
“Several exorcists have had the same experience, getting texts from demons, and why not?” Rossetti reported. “In the past they messed with electronics — TVs and lights turning off and on by themselves. Now they mess with cellphones.”
Two things he hasn’t seen people do? Levitate or spin their heads a la The Exorcist. (So everything Hollywood ever taught us was a lie!)
We’d say this guy should probably get checked out by a psychologist, but guess what? He is one! Licensed and everything. (That’s almost more frightening than the idea of demon possession.) He also works as a research associate professor at the Catholic University of America. (No rest for the wicked.)
Rossetti has a simple prescription for keeping the demons away: “Put crucifixes in your home, holy water in a font at home, religious statues around the house, and say your rosary.”
Got that, Mandatory faithful? It’s a small price to pay to be able to continue to text without demon interference.
Cover Photo: LightFieldStudios (Getty Images)
MORE NEWS:
Entertainment News 7 1 21
-
Kylie Jenner Rocks 34-Year-Old Dress For Reunion With Travis Scott, She Could Just Wear Us Instead (That Would Be OK)
Read more here.
Photo: Gotham / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Kim Kardashian Won’t Tame Sexy Style As a Lawyer, Let the Record Show She Failed Baby Bar Twice Already
Read more here.
Photo: ANGELA WEISS / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Model Martha Hunt Shows Off Baby Bump in Sexy Bikini Instagram Photo, Nice Way to Start Any Week
Read more here.
Photo: Stefania D’Alessandro / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Elizabeth Hurley Shows Off Staycation Style in Topless Bikini Pic on Instagram (If Only She Were Looking For a Roommate!)
Read more here.
Photo: Jason Kempin / Staff (Getty Images)
-
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Ex-Husband Chris Martin Is ‘Like a Brother,’ Basically the Last Thing Any Man Wants to Be to a Woman
Read more here.
Photo: Kevin Mazur / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Alex Rodriguez Parties With Ben Affleck’s Ex Lindsay Shookus (This Is All Starting to Feel a Little Incestuous, Guys)
Read more here.
Photo: Gotham / Contributor and Jeff Kravitz / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Dave Chapelle Joins Foo Fighters Onstage For Rendition of Radiohead’s ‘Creep’ at Madison Square Garden, Making Him the Second Best Dave in the Band
Read more here.
Photo: Kevin Mazur / Contributor (Getty Images)
-
Will Smith Hilariously Reacquaints Himself With the Gym Post-Quarantine in Fresh Instagram Video
Read more here.
Photo: @willsmith (Instagram)
-
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Go Old and Gray For Voting Rights PSA, We’re Still Into It Though
Read more here.
Photo: YouTube
-
Matthew McConaughey Just Got Major Endorsement For Governor From Ted Cruz (Asking Him Not to Run), Alright Alright!
Read more here.
Photo: Noam Galai / Stringer (Getty Images)
