The inhabitants of Earth have spoken – and they’ve made themselves crystal clear. When Jeff Bezos heads to space next month, they hope the billionaire founder of Amazon never returns. Over 13,000 people have signed a Change.org petition stating that the 57-year-old entrepreneur can stay in outer space for all they care.
“Jeff Bezos is actually Lex Luthor, disguised as the supposed owner of a super successful online retail store,” the petition reads. “However, he’s actually an evil overlord hellbent on global domination. We’ve known this for years. Jeff has worked with the Epsteins and the Knights Templar, as well as the Free Masons to gain control over the whole world. He’s also in bed with the flat earth deniers; it’s the only way they’ll allow him to leave the atmosphere. Meanwhile our government stands by and lets it happen. This may be our last chance before they enable the 5G microchips and perform a mass takeover.”
Obviously, the creators of the petition are playing fast and loose with the facts, but the sentiment is genuine: he’s a vile human being and Earth would probably be better off without him. (Though we sure have enjoyed Amazon and all the wares it has to offer.)
Bezos is set to take flight on New Shepherd, a phallic-looking rocket from his aerospace company Blue Origin, with his younger brother and some insanely wealthy bidder who dropped $28 million at an auction for a ticket to ride on July 20, 2021.
Should that rocket blow up, get lost, or simply never return to Earth, no one would mourn the loss. Unfortunately, a petition, even one with thousands of signatures, will never be enough to stop Bezos from doing whatever the hell he wants.
Cover Photo: MARK RALSTON / Contributor (Getty Images)
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