Mandatory Funniest Tweets to Wrap the Week of 03-05-2021

Wipe that sweat off your brow, we made it through another week of madness. More and more people may be putting Twitter down to escape from the daily doom updates, and in doing so they could be missing out on some of the hilarity that is still out there trying to make the world not seem so glum. Thankfully you have us, and it’s Friday, which means it’s once again time for the funniest tweets of the week! If you were unfortunate to miss our last collection of tweets, not to worry, you poor bastard. We’re here for you if you need us. Now, catch up on all the Twitter insanity here then be sure to follow us on Twitter @Mandatory.

We thought turning our sidewalk bench into a memorial bench would prevent the skaters from grinding on it but turns out they don't give a shit about Walter Matthau.

— The Last Blockbuster (@loneblockbuster) March 4, 2021

Somehow the Hand Sanitizer Cam at NBA games is hornier than the Kiss Cam pic.twitter.com/KmmBtKCOfF

— Gavrilo Princip Loner Folk (@IJamEcono) March 3, 2021

This sounds ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL. pic.twitter.com/v26hpCCVAn

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 3, 2021

I’m the guy you met like once or twice maybe hiked with one time that keeps popping up every few months with either a huge life update or a meme you already saw

— anwar (@theanwarnewton) March 4, 2021

Happy one-year anniversary to this tweet. https://t.co/jHudF2AJa5

— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) March 4, 2021

You ever wish Ace Ventura would deliver a package to you?

— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) March 3, 2021

Sure sex is great, but have you ever been in a committed relationship with your foam roller?

— Erica Rhodes (@ericarhodes) March 3, 2021

A contestant on American Idol is named Alanis, named after Alanis Morissette. Each day I am closer to the grave

— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) March 3, 2021

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t need to weigh in on everything. I mean, *I do. But you don’t. #inspirational

— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) March 4, 2021

https://twitter.com/RandyRainbow/status/1356974994748809216?s=20

Alcohol commercials show people dancing the way you think you’re dancing when you drink too much alcohol

— Alonzo Bodden (@AlonzoBodden) March 3, 2021

Laugh all you want but your cat has no idea it's your finger under the sheet. Your cat is desperately defending itself against God knows what. What's under the sheet? You know, but does your cat? Your terrified cat, trapped in fight-or-flight purgatory for your fucking amusement?

— Dan Ewen Ⓥ (@VaguelyFunnyDan) March 2, 2021