You’d think they would learn. It seems as though any time some religious douchebag makes some outrageous claim about something being the “punishment of God,” they are then the recipients of said punishment of God. This goes for televangelists, crazy people in Walmart, and even religious leaders outside of the United States. Such was the case with Patriarch Filaret, the 91-year-old head of one of Ukraine’s largest Orthodox congregations. In a move that sounds remarkably similar to some of the dumb shit America’s televangelists spout (we’re lookin’ at you, Pat Robertson and Joel Osteen and Fred Phelps and Fred Phelps’ dumbass children and pretty much every other preacher that uses God as a weapon), Filaret claimed that COVID-19 and its effect on the world is because of gay marriage.
We know, yawn, change the record. But this story has a happy or, at least, poetic ending.
Back in March, Filaret made numerous comments about COVID-19 and the reason for its being. He told a local Ukrainian TV network that the pandemic was “God’s punishment for the sins of men, the sinfulness of humanity.” For those in the back who are a bit slower, he decided to clarify. “First of all, I mean same-sex marriage.”
So, there ya go. Not a very subtle patriarch, that one. Afterward, numerous groups expressed their outrage, with one Ukrainian LGBTQ+ group actually suing Filaret for his comments. The church’s press secretary (cause they definitely need one) stated that, “As the head of the church and as a man, the Patriarch has the freedom to express his views, which are based on morality.”
Fair enough, we suppose. So ol’ Patty Cakes basically inferred that COVID-19 is the result of homosexuality and then, in an absolutely unsurprising move, the guy was diagnosed with COVID-19.
A statement was released (hopefully by the same press secretary, because we love tragic irony) that said, “We inform that during planned testing, His Holiness Patriarch Filaret of Kyiv and All Rus-Ukraine tested positive for COVID-19. Now, His Holiness Bishop is undergoing treatment at a hospital.”
So, again, to be clear — we don’t wish ill health on anybody. We don’t wish it on anti-maskers, on Trump, on Trump’s douchey kids, etc. We especially don’t wish it on this 90-something-year-old man. Still, though. You would think these people would start to figure out they shouldn’t cast stones if they live in a glass house. Didn’t Jesus say something about that? Or was it Shakespeare? Oh well. Regardless, we wish Patriarch Filaret a speedy recovery, if only so we can tell him what an asshole he is.
Cover Photo: AFP, Getty Images
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