RNC Fails: Infamous Gun Couple Ironically Claims ‘Your Family Will Not Be Safe’ If Trump Loses, Eagerly Await Being Appointed Secretaries of Defense

Remember those two douchebags who held up their Walmart pistols during the Black Lives Matter protests that happened earlier this year? They were the ones that were trying to look tough and claimed they were “defending their property,” even though nobody was even acknowledging them. Yeah, those guys. While the rest of the world continues to mock their guns (that absolutely aren’t indicative of their private parts, or lack thereof), President Trump, we guess, had a better idea. He decided to let them speak at the Republican National Convention.

Yes, while the DNC featured the likes of Barack and Michelle Obama, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and more, the RNC opted to let these two buffoons take the metaphorical stage. If that’s surprising to you, then you just haven’t been paying attention. Trump’s entire campaign (not to mention his actual years in office) have been laughable. Seriously, the past four years have provided more satire than even the best Saturday Night Live skits or George Orwell novels ever could. This is just the latest example of that.

If you need some backstory, Mark and Patty McCloskey have actually been criminally charged for pointing their firearms at peaceful protesters during a St. Louis march. Their case is still ongoing, but that didn’t deter President Trump from acquiring their services to, we guess, “help” his campaign.

Now, aside from the fact that the two people in the video look absolutely nothing like the original couple (meaning they either clean up very well, Trump used actor stand-ins, or they are genetically engineered robots), it’s the content of what they said that is the most laughable.

“They [Democrats] want to abolish the suburbs altogether by ending single-family home zoning,” Patty McCloskey stated. She added that a Democratic America “would bring crime, lawlessness and low-quality apartments into thriving suburban neighborhoods.”

Continuing, she stated that “these are the policies that are coming to a neighborhood near you.” She added, “Your family will not be safe in the radical Democrats’ America.”

So, basically what she’s saying is that she doesn’t want lower-income families to be able to live in her picturesque white, suburban neighborhood. Got it. Neither she, nor her husband, nor the president they serve, seem to understand that “poor” doesn’t exactly mean “criminal.” As in, not every low-income family trying to make a life for themselves wants to break into this couple’s stupid fucking mansion and swim in their pool.

Look, we’re trying really, really hard to remain objective and not pick one political side or the other. It’s just, one side (or at least the people who inhabit it) is really, really stupid. And they make it hard to remain objective. Because they’re so fucking stupid. These conventions are just further proof of that. Even putting politics aside — if you had to choose somebody to listen to for 20 minutes, would you choose the eloquent, powerful Michelle Obama…or would you choose these two doofuses that wave their guns at people and then claim it’s the Democrats who are making neighborhoods unsafe?

Cover Photo: CBS News

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