beards
Handsome bearded lumberjack in checkered shirt holding axe on shoulder and looking at camera while standing in amazing countryside

Men’s Beards May Have Evolved to Sustain Punches to the Head, Random Study Suggests Scientists Are Running Out of Things to Study

By Nick Perkins

The theory of evolution (made popular by one Charles Darwin) suggests that man evolved from apes. While homeschooled children may disagree, there has been much evidence to support this theory, not the least of which is our ability to grow hair from various orifices. Of course, the best example of this is the mecca of all facial hair: the beard. Beards are magical things, capable of turning an average Joe into a lumberjack sex god. Beards are the difference between boy and man. There is a sacred sacrament shared by those who frolic with folic. For those who know, no explanation is needed; for those who don’t, no explanation will ever be good enough. As if the power to turn a six into an eight wasn’t enough, new research suggests that having a beard can actually allow men (and women, we guess?) to better absorb punches to the head.

Yeah, we’re not sure why this is a “study,” either. But scientists get bored just like we do. You bake banana bread, they study beards. To each their own. The point is, people with beards can better sustain a punch to the head. According to a hypothesis from a team of biologists at the University of Utah, “human beards protect vulnerable regions of the facial skeleton from damaging strikes.”

In order to test this hypothesis, the bored AF scientists set up some fake heads made of fiber epoxy (think crash-test dummies) and layered them with various, um, layers of sheep’s wool (or, as Ron Burgandy would say, lanolin). They then used a drop-weight impact tester to measure the collective force versus time on each head. They concluded that “fully furred samples were capable of absorbing more energy than plucked and sheared samples.”

So, there ya go. Not only are beards immensely attractive, but they can also offer resistance if you ever get punched in the face. The same cannot be said for men with goatees or soul patches, which is ironic because those are the guys that need to be punched in the face the most.

Cover Photo: max-kegfire (Getty Images)

Bearded out: The 10 Strangest Beards of 2019

MORE WEIRD NEWS:

COVID cravings: 10 Weird Foods You’re Suddenly Into (And What Science Has to Say About It)

Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Weird News 6/18/20

  • I Won’t Be Back: Arnold Schwarzenegger Leaves Gym Over No Face Mask Policy

    I Won’t Be Back: Arnold Schwarzenegger Leaves Gym Over No Face Mask Policy

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Isabel Infantes – PA Images / Contributor (Getty Images)

  • San Jose Police Fire Rubber Bullets at Their Own Trainer, Rupturing His Testicle (That’s Nuts)

    San Jose Police Fire Rubber Bullets at Their Own Trainer, Rupturing His Testicle (That’s Nuts)

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: MediaNews Group/The Mercury News via Getty Images / Contributor (Getty Images)

  • Jesus Christ! Savior Reportedly Cancels Second Coming, Says He’ll Try Again When Everyone Can Hold Hands During Songs Again

    Jesus Christ! Savior Reportedly Cancels Second Coming, Says He’ll Try Again When Everyone Can Hold Hands During Songs Again

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: powerofforever (Getty Images)

  • Trump Finally Finds Someone He Agrees With on Twitter: Himself (And Twitter Obviously Overreacts)

    Trump Finally Finds Someone He Agrees With on Twitter: Himself (And Twitter Obviously Overreacts)

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

  • After 2 Weeks of Protests, White Man Says He Thinks He’s Starting to Get Rap Music

    After 2 Weeks of Protests, White Man Says He Thinks He’s Starting to Get Rap Music

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Lizet Ocamp Twitter

  • Officer Karen Has Meltdown Over Wait For McMuffin, Talk About McPrivilege

    Officer Karen Has Meltdown Over Wait For McMuffin, Talk About McPrivilege

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Twitter

  • Hemingway Lookalike Contest Cancelled, Events Likely Included Heavyweight Drinking and Boxing Your Demons

    Hemingway Lookalike Contest Cancelled, Events Likely Included Heavyweight Drinking and Boxing Your Demons

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Martyn Goodacre (Getty Images)

  • Separated Dogs Run Into Each Other on Walk and Hug After Lockdown, More of This Please

    Separated Dogs Run Into Each Other on Walk and Hug After Lockdown, More of This Please

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: @libpincher (Twitter)

  • Report: Foster Girlfriends Just Happy to Help Exes Find Their Forever Home

    Report: Foster Girlfriends Just Happy to Help Exes Find Their Forever Home

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Meiko Arquillos (Getty Images)

  • Michael Jordan and Crew Catches 442-Pound Marlin, Likely After Hearing ‘Finding Nemo’ Was Bigger Than ‘Space Jam’

    Michael Jordan and Crew Catches 442-Pound Marlin, Likely After Hearing ‘Finding Nemo’ Was Bigger Than ‘Space Jam’

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Amber Joseph Twitter

  • Wisconsin Lawyer Arrested After Spitting in Black Teen’s Face at Protest, Expected to Represent Her Own Shitty Self

    Wisconsin Lawyer Arrested After Spitting in Black Teen’s Face at Protest, Expected to Represent Her Own Shitty Self

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Milwaukee Sheriff’s Office

  • Trump’s Terrorist Theory of 75-Year-Old Man Shoved by Police Exhibits New Expert Level of Sociopathic Thinking

    Trump’s Terrorist Theory of 75-Year-Old Man Shoved by Police Exhibits New Expert Level of Sociopathic Thinking

    For more weird news, click here.

    Photo Credit: Pool (Getty Images)
Nick Perkins
Nick Perkins

Share article

TRENDING
Related
X