We’re hearing reports that Jesus Christ is having second thoughts about his second coming, for a variety of reasons. We can’t really blame the guy. Dumbass pastors of dumbass churches have been making a lot of dumbass decisions “in the name of God,” so we can see why he’d be hesitant to show his impeccably-bearded (and definitely not white) face any time soon.
In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus took one look at the current state of things and just opted to start over entirely. God did it in the time of Noah and they were way better people than we are. So, then, the question becomes: who among us is worthy of boarding the proverbial ark? (Which we hope is more of a spaceship-type-vehicle this time, since we have the technology.)
Honestly, the worst thing Jesus could do is just allow us to maintain our existence as is, but it wouldn’t surprise us if he decides to hold off another couple thousand years before he returns. He may be waiting until we can hold hands again or, most likely, he may be taking a page out of our book by just washing his hands of us completely.
Cover Photo: powerofforever (Getty Images)
Test yourself: Who Said It: Jesus Christ or Kanye West?
MORE WEIRD NEWS:
God Sends Murder Hornets to US to Show Things Can Always Get Worse (Or Possibly Another Democrat Sting Against the President)
Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Weird News 5/5/2020
-
Apple’s iPhones Can Now Recognize Your Face ID While Wearing a Safety Mask, Probably Only As Long As You’re Still Crying
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Khosrork (Getty Images)
-
City Official Resigns After Drinking Beer and Throwing Cat During Zoom Meeting, But What Else Are We Supposed to Do?
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Lydie Gigerichova (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Judge Orders Attorneys to Wear Clothes During Zoom Court Hearings, Despite Objections
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: lolostock (Getty Images)
-
Trump Touts Disinfectant as Coronavirus Treatment, No Cure Yet For His Stupidity
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: JackF (Getty Images)
-
Kim Jong-un Reportedly So Alive He’ll Be Starring in a Reboot of ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
-
Viral Lady Gaga Parody Is a Love Letter to Coronavirus Authority ‘Docta Docta Fauci’
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Missy Modell (YouTube)
-
India Cops Use Giant Tongs to Apprehend Criminals in the Age of Coronavirus, Don’t Try the Salad
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Twitter
-
Mom Shocked to Discover Advertisement Claiming Her Family Was Dead from COVID-19, Spoiler Alert: They Weren’t
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Chard Photo/KCAL/KCBS/CNN
-
Mom Discovers List of Sex Positions in 5-Year-Old’s ‘Frozen 2’ Diary, Child Pleads Innocence Because She Can’t Read or Write
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Daily Mirror
-
Las Vegas Mayor Offers Her City as Tribute to COVID-19
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Ethan Miller (Getty Images)
-
Eminem Confronts Intruder in His Detroit Home, Apparently Much Less Intimidating in His Jammies
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Macombe CSO (Getty Images)
-
Meanwhile in Florida: Helpful Criminals Assist Police with Their Own Arrest
For more weird news, click here.
Photo Credit: Flagler County Sheriff’s Office
