If not for the chicken scratches on our bedroom walls, how else would we know it’s time for this week’s funniest tweets? To commemorate another one in the can (and surviving the endless coronavirus isolation), we’ve got another funny collection for you. This week’s lockdown included the protesting gym nuts, the loss of Jerry Stiller and Jeffrey Epstein definitely not killing himself. As always, we’re here if you need us. Now, catch up on all the Twitter insanity here, then, of course, follow us on Twitter or our name isn’t @Mandatory.
Humans had a pretty good run.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) May 15, 2020
Little Rock, pushing through quarantine pic.twitter.com/KZRM1J0kaL
— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) May 15, 2020
Jeff Bezos is gonna be a trillionaire. I think he did that just to piss off his ex-wife. “You wanna leave me? Fine, enjoy only having billions!”
— Adam Hunter (@AdamComedian) May 15, 2020
Judges who rule against stay-at-home orders should have to recite their decisions from a crowded mall
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) May 13, 2020
REAL men don’t need a MASK when we go to the store because we’re not SCARED. All we need is an ASSAULT RIFLE and maybe a ROCKET LAUNCHER in case the YOGURT tries anything STUPID
— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) May 13, 2020
https://twitter.com/solomongeorgio/status/1259331887002091525?s=20
Every day I count the trees in my yard and the number is never the same. Anyway I'm fine.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) May 15, 2020
The talk your dog has with you when he is over you being in the house all day everyday. pic.twitter.com/maoSojTjFz
— Matthew A. Cherry (@MatthewACherry) May 15, 2020
https://twitter.com/alexblagg/status/1261098725239173121?s=20
willy wonka: oh my god. i just had the best idea
oompa: what is it
willy wonka: ok so u know how we kill children
oompa: ya
willy wonka: what if we start making candy
— david (@_elvishpresley_) May 15, 2020
https://twitter.com/imchriskelly/status/1261140919652241409?s=20
Whoever wrote this in front of my house, I will find you. pic.twitter.com/jzWtqKATSb
— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) May 14, 2020
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/1261031030628077568?s=20
https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/1261022199525367811?s=20
‘TMNT’ Movie Turns 30: Meet ‘Middle-Aged Millennial Ninja Turtles’
Mandatory Good News 5 15 20
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Mandatory Good News: Little Girl’s Thank-You Letter to Postal Worker Gets Massive Response From Across the Country
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Photo: myshkovsky (Getty Images)
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Coronavirus Won’t Stop Annual Naked Bike Ride in Portland, Oregon (Maybe Wear a Mask, Though)
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Photo: Natalie Behring / Stringer (Getty Images)
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Craft Beer Week Couldn’t Come at a Better Time, Support Local Brew or Be Watered Down Forever
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Photo: izusek (Getty Images)
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RANKED! The 15 Best Virtual TV Reunions of Quarantine
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Photo: NBC
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Cowabunga! The Cast of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Is Having a Zoom Pizza Party to Celebrate the Film’s 30th Anniversary
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Photo: New Line Cinema
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Mandatory Good News: NYC Hospital Staff Gets Free Vacations as Thank-You Gift For Coronavirus Work
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Photo: LightFieldStudios (Getty Images)
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Families Get Free ‘Porchtraits’ From Professional Photographers During Pandemic, Say ‘Quarantine!’
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Photo: Jacobs Stock Photography Ltd
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Man Posts Daily Dad Joke On His Front Lawn, So Funny They Could Cut Through Grass
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Photo: Tom Schruben
