If not for the chicken scratches on the bedroom wall, how else would we know it’s time for another round of funny tweets? To commemorate another Friday in the can (and surviving the endless madness of coronavirus isolation), we’ve got a new collection for you below. If you missed our last Tweets of the Week, you missed a lot, but this week’s lockdown included Brad Pitt playing Fauci, failed attempts to reopen the country, Twinkies getting made into lattes, LeBron James somehow getting more attention than usual and social-distance May Day baskets, along with Jeffrey Epstein definitely not killing himself. As always, we’re here if you need us. Now catch up on all the Twitter insanity here, then, of course, follow us on Twitter or our name isn’t @Mandatory.
https://twitter.com/Twitter/status/1255298173729419264?s=20
America getting ready to reopen pic.twitter.com/b6mM0M5cxH
— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) April 30, 2020
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/1256241408375046144?s=20
https://twitter.com/TynanDeLong/status/1255906007617765376?s=20
ok thank u science https://t.co/BlC4hYyPOT
— JP (@jpbrammer) April 30, 2020
I don't want to hear anyone calling America the greatest nation on earth ever again https://t.co/wQkv9NOZfX
— maura quint (@behindyourback) April 28, 2020
how old were u when u realized all the new famous people were younger than u and your life was over
— prance (@bocxtop) April 30, 2020
I’ve had my cat for 4 years and today I learned he doesn’t know how to eat food pic.twitter.com/VOeQzvk3IM
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) May 1, 2020
https://twitter.com/GetDisneyPrime/status/1255863854271205379?s=20
Kids, i shit you not; there used to be a phone number you could call just to find out what time it was.
— The Panic (@Gunntwitt) April 30, 2020
Quarantine Status: uncoiled the individual cinnamon rolls in a tube of dough and wrapped them into a giant one pic.twitter.com/MpmdO2SyJ1
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 30, 2020
when the clorox hits pic.twitter.com/CQF6fkTMoT
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 28, 2020
https://twitter.com/samwhatislife/status/1255574117589360642?s=20
never forget pic.twitter.com/qdeUVwrFL1
— mean lesbian (@trashbrainbaby) April 28, 2020
When you tell her you have a podcast https://t.co/1GxHog5LC0
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 29, 2020
Young American Forced to Find Hobby Without Sports, Travel and Work Weighing Him Down
‘TMNT’ Movie Turns 30: Meet ‘Middle-Aged Millennial Ninja Turtles’
Good News of the Week For 5 1 20
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Mandatory Good News: Two Very Good Dogs Deliver Beer Curbside to Save Their Mom’s Company
For more good news, click here.
Photo: Six Harbors Brewing Company
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Mandatory Good News: Mobile Haircuts Come to New York City Health Care Workers
For more good news, click here.
Photo: martin-dm (Getty Images)
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German Health Care Workers Get Naked to Raise Awareness About PPE Shortages (And to Remind Us What Naked Women Not in Porn Look Like)
For more good news, click here.
Photo: Blanke Bedenken
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NBC’s Two Biggest TV Sitcom Casts to Reunite For Charity, Honestly We’ll Take Anything They Give Us
For more good news, click here.
Photo: NBC Universal
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Mandatory Good Deed of the Day: Send Art Supplies to Kids Whose Parents Have Given Up on Homeschooling
For more good news, click here.
Photo: Catherine Delahaye (Getty Images)
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Mandatory Good Deed of the Day: Do a Pizza Drop For Someone in Need
For more good news, click here.
Photo: MangoStar_Studio (Getty Images)
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Man Wins Powerball Jackpot Twice in One Day, Likely to Offer Serious Cash to Anyone With Toilet Paper
For more good news, click here.
Photo: Colorado Lottery
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Brad Pitt Steals a Solo ‘SNL’ Cold Open as the Only Candidate For Man of the Year (Besides Himself)
For more good news, click here.
Photo: NBC
