The silver lining to all this coronavirus business: Things couldn’t get much weirder (we think), which is why April Fools’ Day has been cancelled. Or at least postponed with the rest of humanity.
This is no joke. Actually, it’s kind of nice not having to react to office pranks, fake pregnancies or dad jokes that break up the family until Christmas. Instead of whoopee cushions or fart machine this year, we’re just going to give you these ridiculous tweets and say see you next year. Just another missing misappropriated holiday. But if you’re looking for weird, strange or downright hilarious news, we’ve got plenty of actual fucked-up life stories below:
Quaran-Tweet: 20 Hilarious Tweets From Comedians to Keep You Laughing Through Coronavirus
Father John Misty Releases ‘Off-Key in Hamburg’ Live Album For COVID-19 Support, Currently God’s Favorite Musician
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Weird News 3-12-2020
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Calvin Klein Releases Gender Neutral Fragrance, Likely Smells Like Water and Conformity
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New ‘All the Streams’ Lets Cheapskates Watch Streaming Services For Free (Like Watching Cable at Your Parents’)
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Shame Cone is the Latest Coronavirus Prevention Product (For You, Not the Dog)
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Pearl Necklaces (Not That Kind) Are Quickly Becoming the Must-Have Accessory for Men in 2020
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Joaquin Phoenix About to Marry Fiancee Rooney Mara, Wedding Goers Just Glad the Groom Isn’t Expected to Give Speech
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Coronavirus Porn Is the Latest Guilty Pleasure, Quaran-Teens in Your Area (Legal Ones, Of Course)
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Toilet Paper Alternatives to Cover Your Ass During the Coronavirus Panic
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Everything Coronavirus Has Ruined So Far
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Adrien Brody Dating Harvey Weinstein’s Ex-Wife, Likely Preparing for Role in Horror Show With Boobytraps
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Police Chief Stripped of Duties, Decides to Strip His Clothing As Well
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Meanwhile in Florida: Monkeys Have Their Own Virus to Contend With, Incidentally They Know More About It Than Mike Pence Does About Ours
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Hand Sanitizer Prices Skyrocket Amid Coronavirus, Our Cheap DIY Suggestions to Avoid Getting Scammed