What’s in a name? Would a skunk by any other name smell less…skunky? For a group of politically correct scientists offended by tawdry names, the answer is yes. For them, improper names lead to bad behavior and dirty jokes in the wild, as well as the laboratory. That’s why they’re racing to rewrite the nomenclature of nine creatures whose mere utterance can cause a sensitive soul to smirk. As for the animals below, it’s not their fault they can’t be mentioned in a church. Most of them are agnostic anyway. We say let sleeping dogs lie, but decide for yourself what the fate of these nine offenders should be.
Photo: John S Lander (Getty Images)
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Rude Animal Names
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Cock
Ironically, a male chicken is called a cock (short for cockerel), until it becomes the head of a hen house. Scientists want us to watch out for single cocks with too much time on their hands.
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Spiny Lumpsucker
It's not their fault they're ugly and can't swim. That's why their spiny little bodies have a modified pelvic fin that suctions onto rocks. An incredibly accurate name that doubles as a lovely zinger for when your ex calls you up out of the blue and asks for a ride to the airport.
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Beaver
Dam. That's what beavers build. And they're damn good at it. If scientists change their name, they might have an identity crisis and start building computers.
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Ahole
Like opinions, there are a lot of these guys swimming around the South Pacific. The rule of thumb is, if you're entering a school, you'll probably encounter at least one Ahole.
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Pink Fairy Armadillo
These cute little burrowers look just like a giant piece of old sushi. They're really more of a soft peach color if you ask us.
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Macaque
These cute monkeys are famous for their ability to chill out in hot springs like a bunch of stoned hippies. Google the American pronunciation here and click on the mouth icon to remove any confusion as to what you're about to say.
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Tasseled Wobbegong
This bottom dweller likes to lay in wait for smaller fish to swim up close so he can ambush them with his tasseled mouth and eat them. Seems like a pretty apropos name to us.
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Pussy
When did one of the cutest creatures on earth become a pejorative? Is it because cats are jerks or just highly misunderstood?
Related: 11 GIFs of Cats Being A-Holes to Their Humans
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Ass Goblin
OK, so we made this one up. You get the point.
