If the British Bulldog, Sir Winston Churchill, were still alive today, he would be shitting himself right about now. A gold toilet worth $6 million was stolen from his home (now a museum) last month in one of the gutsiest heists in recent memory. The working toilet, crafted by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, was on display at Bleinheim Palace in Oxfordshire, England, when it mysteriously disappeared. Visitors to the exhibit were each given three minutes to have their way with the throne of thrones. And the thieves, probably feeling challenged by the exhibit’s title “Victory is Not an Option,” ripped the gleaming object from the wall and drove off with it. Whether you applaud the royal raiders or condemn them, no one can argue that their crime is hilarious. This incredibly weird burglary would be right at home with the following list of capers, proving once and for all that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure (and burglars have a great sense of toilet humor).
Photo: Donald Iain Smith (Getty Images)
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Gold toilet
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The Case of the Missing Brain
The genius behind the Theory of Relativity had his brain stolen (after he died) by a mad "scientist" on a mission. In the name of science, Thomas Harvey (the pathologist at Princeton hospital during Einstein's passing), cut Einstein's brain into 256 pieces, keeping them safely in some jars beneath his beer cooler. Though it went against Einstein's wishes for cremation, the world let the crime slide because, well, curiosity is a hell of a thing.
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The Disappearance of Three Cow Costumes From Chick-fil-A
Crimes of passion are not always easy for the world to understand, like this theft of three cow costumes from a Chick-fil-A in California. During the break-in, other valuables were overlooked, baffling authorities. Was cash stolen? No. Was credit card information taken? No. Were all three cow costumes made off with? Yes. Whether the crime was a personal vendetta against the controversial chicken chain or a darker tale involving members of the furry community, no one will ever know.
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The Saga of the Priceless Bag of Dog Poop
In other shit-related thefts, a burglar broke into a shipping truck in an attempt to steal the cargo, but when he couldn’t start the engine, he grabbed the next best thing: a bag containing $1 worth of poop. Hey, no one said burglars were smart.
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The Life and Times of the World's Biggest Egg Hat Thief
In a clear crime of opportunity, the world’s largest egg hat (yes, a hat with eggs on it) was stolen from a hospital in Germany while the owner was being treated for heatstroke. After the man recovered, he awoke to find his prized hat missing. Much to his dismay, the 1,000 eggs on the hat have yet to be returned. Coincidentally, that same year, the world's largest omelet was cooked in Bavaria.
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The Drowning of the Friendly Alien
A woman in England was burgled and all her prized possessions stolen, most importantly, a life-sized statue of E.T. made by her daughter. A year later, the statue turned up when a "body" was discovered floating face down along the coast near Old Portsmouth. So that's why E.T. never phoned home.
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The Fajita Kingdom
Don't mess with Tex-Mex. A juvenile center employee learned that the hard way when he was caught stealing fajitas, and we’re not talking about on his lunch break. After a truckload of 800 pounds of fajitas was delivered to a facility in southern Texas (that didn’t serve fajitas), it became clear that the employee had been falsifying orders, clearing $1.2 million in fajita money before getting busted. Somehow, the golden fajitas never made it to the evidence locker.
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The Hijacking of the Slavkov Bridge
A train gang in the Czech Republic forwent stealing a train in favor of the bridge it rode across. The 10-ton, 650-foot bridge went missing in 2012 when the gang of brazen thieves showed up pretending to be from the department of public works. Their disguises looked legit enough for no one to bat an eyelash as they made off with a million dollars worth of steel.
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The Purloined Beach
Somehow, nobody noticed when 800 truckloads of sand were taken from a beach in Jamaica. Some crazy SOB who probably couldn't afford beachfront property bought himself a truck, brought the beach to him, and is now sipping mai tais on his sandy front porch in Detroit.
