dick pump

Look, No Hands! Chinese Dick Pump Is the Sex Machine of Our Dreams

By Erik Fontanez

So many of the products we use on a daily basis come from China. From the clothes on your back to the chair you’re sitting on, China has a lock on your wallet. Now it appears they made a dick pump to put a lock on your junk. A Chinese company named Jiangsu Medical Science and Technology Company Ltd. produced a sperm extractor and it’s being used in hospitals for men who can’t or won’t jerk off the natural way. The machine simulates a human vagina and can be set at various height and speed levels for maximum efficiency and, um, stimulation. The Chinese government worries there will be a semen shortage in the country, and this machine is crucial to improve on their already billion-plus population. We don’t know if these things are making their way to a clinic near you, but fear not, because sex robots are already a reality if you need to fuck a machine.

Photo: RapidEye (Getty Images)

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Erik Fontanez
Erik Fontanez

 

Erik is a longtime writer and editor who was once an underground hip-hop superstar with dreams of playing in the NBA. Those dreams became afterthoughts when Erik met the love of his life -- pizza. Unable to dunk a basketball anymore, and coping with being full from eating yet another large with pepperoni and onions, Erik gave up rap stardom and began writing on the internet because it’s so much cooler than rapping, touring the world and being a rich basketball player. He also likes romantic comedies.

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